I’ve read many a tale of the bitter girlfriend pissed off at the guy’s female best friend. They’re generally crazed stories of women on the verge of psychosis, because this girl who’s not technically doing anything wrong just won’t seem to back the fuck off. Her boyfriend, the idiot, doesn’t see the problem, but honestly, more often than not, the problem is there.
This is not that story — not exactly. I don’t have a boyfriend, but I do have guys I consider to be in the “best friend” tier, and I’m pretty good at making sure I don’t piss off their girlfriends, because I know the rules. To be clear, I’m not following these rules in a calculated manner — I just know that when a guy is spoken for, you need to respect that. As the best girl friend, it is your job to make sure the girlfriend doesn’t get jealous. That sounds really self-important and it also sounds like I’m assuming every girl is insecure and jealous (because they are). For the record, I don’t think I’m so hot that another girl would ever be jealous of me, but the fact of the matter is this: girls don’t like when other girls are close with their boyfriends, and once a guy enters a serious relationship, you need to be aware of that. Your relationship with him will change a little bit, and you need to be okay with it.
If you genuinely do not want to fuck him, you need to do everything in your power to make sure she knows that. Because guess what? Even if you’re the first girl in his life right now, the power will soon shift, and if she doesn’t like you, guess who just got a one-way ticket out of his life. Hint: it isn’t his girlfriend. You need to follow these rules.
1. Bros Before Hoes Does Not Apply To You
I know your instinct is to say that people shouldn’t put their significant other in front of your best friend, but you and his mother need to realize something — this only applies for other dudes. If there’s a number one woman in his life, it’s going to be his girlfriend, not you. And you need to accept that with grace, and not hate her for it. You are still important to him, but so is she. She’s going to be his go-to girl now. She’s going to be his date for functions. She’s going to be the one who helps him with clothes. And she’s going to be the person who sets up activities for him to do. You? You’re going to be the girl he comes to when he needs advice on how to deal with her. And that is okay, because that is what friends are for. There is no reason you should be competing for his attention. She should win. All the time. And frankly, you can’t get mad if he “always has to bring her everywhere.” If it’s just the guys, it’s just the guys, but if it’s a mixed gender group of people it’s weird when she’s not invited. It’s not weird when she is.
2. Pay More Attention To Her Than To Him When She’s Around
This one is weird, but hear me out. Obviously since he is your friend and your tie to this couple, your instinct might be to pay more attention to him when you’re with both of them. She WILL misinterpret this, and she’s not crazy for doing so. It doesn’t feel good to watch another girl up your boyfriend’s ass, and you need to be aware of this. I don’t want to use the words “suck up,” because it sounds disingenuous. You just need to make a genuine effort to befriend her.
Think of it like this: in most normal social situations, the girls and the boys eventually taper off into gender-segregated conversations, because we literally never change after puberty. Just because he’s your main friend in the equation doesn’t change that. Everyone hates the girl who hangs out with the guys, and that hatred is only amplified when one of the guys is your boyfriend. Play by the rules, and hang out with the girls. Show her you’re not the enemy. Trust.
3. …But Don’t Go Overboard In Trying To Befriend Her
I once knew a girl who texted everyone’s girlfriends a fuckton in an effort to befriend them. She’d regularly ask them to hang out, and just be generally up their asses and the general consensus was that it was fucking weird, mostly fake, and that she was overcompensating for the fact that she was a huge hoe (which she was). Don’t do this. You want to be friendly, but not creepy about it. You’re probably never going to hang out with her when he’s not around, the same way you don’t hang out with your girl friends’ boyfriends when they’re not around. Keep the texting to the occasional “this reminded me of that conversation we had the other day” and “what are you wearing to the frat party tonight” unless you are actually good friends with her — which is something that can only come naturally. You can not force it.
4. Don’t Make Comments About How Well You Know Him
You might know everything about his life. You might know that he sleeps with a one-eyed teddy bear named “Winky” and that he is constantly playing Halo, but bringing up anything in a “You know how he is” fashion just reads as competitive. She knows you guys are close, and there’s obviously nothing wrong with that, but putting it on display only serves to make her uncomfortable with your closeness. Plus, God forbid you know something she doesn’t. They will fight about it, and you will be the reason, and you never want to be the reason a couple is fighting. Don’t flaunt your inside jokes either. Actually, don’t do that with anyone in front of other people. It’s rude.
5. Stay The Fuck Off His Social Media
Everyone knows that when you like a guy’s photo, that means you want to fuck him. Kidding, but only kind of. No reason to be commenting constantly on everything he says or does. Nothing that could be misconstrued as flirty when you don’t intend to be flirty. It’s a weird public sort of “ownership” of him, and frankly, it’s unnecessary. Tag him on Insta in your inside jokes, or send him a Snapchat of something relevant, but your social feeds should not look like a shrine to him the way they do to your female best friends. It’s weird and people will talk.
6. Minimal One-On-One Time
Call me old-fashioned, but one-on-one dinner dates, or coffee dates, or lunch dates, or happy hours should be reserved for people who want to fuck each other. This includes long phone calls. Sure, if you have the same break between classes, it might make sense to grab food (though the girlfriend still won’t like it), but going out of your way to spend time alone with him is, simply put, inappropriate.
7. Don’t Fish For Compliments In Front Of Her
One of the biggest perks of having a guy best friend is having someone to go to for relationship advice, and yes, that sometimes includes looking for a human male to tell you that you’re a catch (the same way your girlfriends would!). But there is no reason to pull a “what’s wrong with meeee? Why don’t boys like meeeee?” in front of her. She knows that game. You don’t need to present any opportunity for him to ever tell you you’re pretty, at all, ever.
If you read this and thought some bullshit like “women shouldn’t tell other women what to do,” or “any girl who has a problem with her boyfriend having female friends is insecure,” you can honestly go fuck yourself. It doesn’t matter if you think she’s “insecure,” because you need to set boundaries. At the end of the day, there are just some things you can’t do with someone else’s boyfriend even if you knew that boyfriend before he was her boyfriend. End of story. And if you cross the line, you’re disrespecting their relationship and you’re disrespecting him. At the end of the day, he is your friend, and you want him to be happy, and that includes wanting him to be in a good relationship. And if you don’t want him to be in a good relationship? Then maybe you need to reevaluate your own relationship with him. You might want to be more than “best friends.”.