The only thing better than getting down and dirty with your partner du jour is talking about getting down and dirty. No, you don’t get an orgasm, but you do get attention, and isn’t that just as good? Something about talking in graphic detail over a boozy brunch makes you feel ~alive.~ And while you might admit to going all night long, utilizing chocolate sauce, and all of the dirty things he said to you (while throwing in a few lies for good measure, of course) there are a few things most of us don’t fess up and say. So Business Insider decided to figure out all of the slutty things we’re thinking that we’re too embarrassed to say, even after a few mimosas with our best friends. They did it using science, data, and stats because nothing is as sexy as a whole bunch of numbers.
1. We’re All Way Kinkier Than We Seem.
For the most part, people are into some w-e-i-r-d shit. And it turns out a lot of us want to do more than just make intense eye contact during missionary. A third of people engaged in “kinky” stuff that the rest of us have no idea about. The most popular activities people partake in are watching other people get it on (voyeurism), having sex in public places (exhibitionism), and getting turned on by things that, well, don’t normally turn people on (fetishes, anyone)? And if you’re not one of those weirdos doing strange things, it’s time to find what you “like.” You know what they say, the weirder, the hotter, or something like that.
2. Tons Of People Experiment With The Same Sex
Only like 8 percent of people say they’re something other than straight. But more than that experiment with someone of the same sex and even more than that are lying about their sexual orientation. Eleven percent of women said they’d had at least one same-sex experience and way more than that want to kiss a girl to see if they like it. Just because you think you like hot dogs doesn’t mean you’re opposed to taking a bite of a burger, just to see how it tastes.
3. Lots Of Ladies Fake It.
This one is a little disheartening. We know, we know, “never fake it.” But sometimes you wonder if a guy *thinks* you got there when you really didn’t. The truth is yes. All the effing time. According to the survey, when they asked hetero guys if their ladies got off the last time they did it, 85 percent said yes. But when they asked the same ladies if they got off the last time they did the deed with their man, only 64 percent said they had. Which means a whole bunch of guys need to stop thinking a few minutes of thrusting is going to work and start doing some tongue exercises.
4. Everyone Has The Same Fantasies
Even though the sex we have is great or whatever, a lot of us dream about something a little different. And luckily, everyone pretty much wants the same things. 82 percent of both guys and gals said they wanted to have sex in a “weird” place, and oral ranked number one on the male list and number three on the female list for things they want. Crazier still, 76 percent of guys want to masturbate their ladies (you know, like jerk them off? DJ for them? You get what I’m saying), and 71 percent of ladies want their guys to do that for them. THE NUMBERS ADD UP PEOPLE. We all want to grab some fingers, grab some oral, and do the nasty in a strange place.
5. No One Knows What “Sex” Actually Is.
I know a lot of times we just assume sex means “p” in the “v” but does it? 80 percent said that anal counted and two-thirds of people said oral was “sex.” Hell, about 50 percent said giving or receiving a handy counted. So when people are talking about their number or who they did or didn’t have sex with — realize that it means literally nothing because no one can agree on what sex even means. So. That’s helpful.
6. FWB Relationships Can Actually Work.
The rule of having a FWB relationship is to realize that it’s going to end in a dramatic scene from hell. In reality, however, about 50 percent of the time they actually work. And by “work” I mean they either get together or at least don’t want to kill each other by the end of their brief fucking stint. Remember those odds the next time you’re drunk and wanting to have “the talk” with the guy you’ve been talking to for the past six months. Just don’t blame me if you end up on the wrong side of that statistic.
7. Absolutely Everyone Is Sexting.
Whether it’s a dirty text, a graphic paragraph about what they want to do to you, or a naughty picture that you hope is never leaked to the internet, almost everyone has sent a sext in some form at some time. At least 88 percent of heterosexual adults report having using their phones to turn their partners on at some point in their lives. And almost half of them said they’ve done it with someone casual. As long as your face is hidden and the screenshots are deleted, just comfort yourself in the fact that everyone, and I do mean everyone, is doing it.
Hey, at least we’re all disgusting together..
[via Business Insider]
Image via Shutterstock
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Rachel Varina
(yeahokaywhat) Aspiring to be the next Tina Fey, Rachel spends her free time doing nothing to reach that goal. While judging people based on how they use "they're" vs. "there" on social media, she likes eating buffalo chicken dip, watching other people's Netflix, and wearing sweatpants way more than is socially acceptable.
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