8 Steps To Becoming Friends With An Ex


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1. Make Sure You’re Actually Over Him

There is nothing worse than trying to be an ex’s friend while pretending you don’t still have feelings for him. Sure, he may not notice, but your friends will. Making sure you are fully over what happened is the best step to moving forward. This way you don’t read into anything and are actually working towards a friendship, not a sad ending.

2. Don’t Spend Time Alone

It’s best, especially in the beginning, to keep some distance. You never know when there will be some built up chemistry and you do something you may regret. This is especially true when drunk. Two drunk exes should never be spending time completely alone. If something does end up happening, it’ll possibly make you question your feelings and will delay moving forward.

3. Include Him In The Group

Don’t be a bitch and try to ice him out, especially if you both have mutual friends. Trying to make sure your ex isn’t invited somewhere is just petty. Plus it makes it look like you aren’t mature enough to move on. Then your friends will be forced to pick sides and it’s not fair to anyone. Sure, he doesn’t need to be invited everywhere, but don’t go out of your way to make sure he isn’t there ever.

4. Make Small Talk

Small talk just helps keep the conversation going. This is important if you aren’t exactly comfortable enough to talk about important things, but at least you are talking. This is a big step! You may not actually care about how their last test went or what happened in the community bathroom but you are working towards something bigger. And the fact you can have an ongoing conversation without arguing about your relationship is a great step towards something bigger.

5. Ask Him About Important Topics

When you get to the point of it not being awkward and strained, you can move on to bigger topics. This is the point where you can talk openly about how his family is doing, or his plans for after graduation. Getting to this point makes things basically normal, especially if he is reciprocating and seems to be interested in your life too.

6. Joke Around

There is nothing worse than tension or awkward silence. Simply break the ice with a joke. Definitely try to avoid jokes about when you were together, or about things you did together –that just gets really uncomfortable. Keep it light, keep it funny, and your friendship will blossom.

7. No, He’s Not Flirting With You

Try not to overthink things. Yeah, it may seem like he’s flirting, but that may just be a way for him to cope. He may think that acting like he had in the past, when things were normal, will end up making it normal again. Unless he blatantly says, “I am flirting with you,” then he isn’t.

8. Try To Be Genuinely Happy For Him

It may suck (like, really really suck) seeing him with other people, but in the end just try and be happy for him. You are friends now, so odds are he’ll be happy for you if you find someone too. Getting to the point of only wanting the best for him is being pretty mature, and means your friendship is important to you. If as a friend, you sense some bad vibes from this new girl, keep your opinions to yourself, unless he asks. No one wants to hear an ex shit on a new flame.

Yes, this may not work for everyone. Sometimes feelings were hurt too badly or someone was fucked over. You only need to be friends if you decide you want to. No one is forcing you to be friends. And if you try this and still can’t manage being friends, then at least be civil. No one likes a salty bitch.

Can be found chugging vodka sours at the bar or roaming the mall trying to use her already maxed credit card. In her free time she shit talks, stalks random people on Insta, and survives on Starbucks. Sex tips and hate mail can be sent to: psanonymous.tsm@gmail.com

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