A few weeks ago, one of my best friends from out of town was staying with me for the week while she visited my city for a work trip. As extended house guests do, and as I would always expect one of my girls to do, she made herself right at home. One of the days I came back to the apartment to find her sitting on my bed with a timid look her face. Below her sat a semi-opaque blue box that’s normally tucked neatly right underneath where I sleep.
“Ummm Kendra…is that your sex toy box?”
Now my friend is not by any means, a prude. But what this opened up, besides my toy box, was a discussion about what kind of goodies she had at the ready. The answer was…well…not many.
Look. I’m extremely sex positive. Whether you are Team Monogamy or Team Hit It and Quit It, I think you should be able to do whatever and whoever you want, whenever and wherever you want. I will never tell anyone that they shouldn’t put something somewhere if they’re curious, and I would never pressure anyone to try anything sexual that they weren’t comfortable with.
That being said, I am a huge advocate for women taking charge of their own sexuality and, by proxy, sex lives. When I find out that my girlfriend (and others like her) had never been to a sex shop or even thought about the idea, I immediately wanted to take her to the promised land and let her see the light.
Whether it’s a well-placed (but apparently not well-hidden) box, or a specific drawer in your Ikea nightstand, every girl needs to have a fun zone. Leave your retainer and cuticle recovery gloves in the bathroom where they belong, and have a place that’s all about getting sexy.
1. A Vibrator
Seriously if you are in your twenties and still haven’t discovered just how much better your life can be with the addition of a battery operated device I genuinely feel bad for you. Do yourself a favor and drop a decent amount of money on one. Sure, you can get cheap-o bullets for like, $15, but they pale in comparison to their more expensive cousins and also will probably break on you in a week. Jimmyjane and Minna are my favorite brands, if that endorsement means anything. Almost every sex shop has a beginners section if you’re overwhelmed, and don’t be afraid to find a Samantha in your life to hold your hand when you go to take the plunge.
Unless you are in a long-term, committed relationship, and have had the bareback talk this is a no-brainer. The girls who have grown up thinking that providing the wrappers are a man’s job need a little dose of reality. It is 2015, you don’t know where that dick was before it came out to say hello in your room. Be safe. Take care of yourself.
No girl is a constant one woman flowing show of endless lubrication. You don’t want to get uncomfortable or start chafing during a marathon session, and even during a normal sex sesh it can really make everything just feel ten times better. Water based is usually easier to clean up, silicone typically lasts longer. And learn from my mistakes and put anything that says “Intense” back on the shelf and walk away slowly. It was terrible, and no, I’m not ready to talk about it.
4. Hand Sanitizer
Remember the scene from That 70’s Show where Kelso is dropping truth bombs on Jackie and says, “That time we were hooking up and I said I had washed my hands? Yeah I hadn’t and I’d just gotten done playing with like…seven dogs.”
Don’t be Jackie. And yes, I’m sorry for putting that in your brain forever as well.
5. Bondage Tape
Okay, pick your vanilla jaws off of the floor and hear me out. Bondage tape comes in a roll that looks like duct tape but it’s reusable and only sticks to itself. This means that it will last forever, you can put it anywhere, and it won’t rip at skin or hair – it’s the greatest introduction for any sort of constraint or sensory deprivation play. You can fold it over to make a blindfold if that sounds like something you’d be into, or fasten honestly, comfortable restraints. Don’t think about 50 Shades of Grey; it was not only a completely inaccurate representation of the BDSM community, but your bondage tape can be used in way more ways than anything in a stupid red room.
6. Breath Mints
Self-explanatory. Have minty fresh makeouts! They’re better than your garlic pizza breath makeouts.
7. Massage Oil
I’ve heard about girls using lube as massage oil and vice versa but honestly, that’s fucking dumb. Massage oil is designed to be absorbed, lube is not. If you have a lube massage you are going to walk away from that sucker like a human slip-n-slide. And honestly have you smelled lube? Even the flavored ones…yeah you’ll smell like a weird mix of petroleum, silicone, and strawberries. It’s not attractive. Live a little. Spend the extra $12 to have real, grown up massage oil. Your skin will feel great and you won’t smell like the inside of a plastic bottle.
8. Something That Makes YOU Feel Super Turned On
Whether it is as tame as a certain pair of underwear or more adventurous and involves nipple clamps and riding crops, if it makes you feel sexy, powerful and ready to rock, have it in there, sister. Everyone is different so have something in your arsenal that is you specific. You don’t have to use it every time but can pull it out when you want to kick things to another level. Your sex life and your partner will thank you for it. .