9 Beauty Standards You Will Never Achieve Unless You Are An Actual Deer


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9 beauty standards you will never live up to unless you are an actual deer

Today’s beauty standards are impossible. The list just gets longer and longer. It’s hard to keep track of all of the stuff we’re supposed to be self conscious about. Media shoves new beauty standards down our throats, and every day there’s a new ridiculous hair or nail trend that we’re expected to rally behind. It seems like that there is no one that will ever live up to all of the ideals that society has set for us, and unfortunately that may be true. There’s really only one creature out there that captures beauty in every essence: the deer.

1. Their Eyes

Their alien-like bulging eyes are so beautiful, and their crazy long eyelashes are to die for. No amount of eyelash extensions would be able to compare with the perfect fan of lashes that they are workin’ with. Batting those eyes at any guy must get them all of the drinks.

2. Their Legs

Deers’ legs are the envy of womankind. Muscular thighs that taper into weak little ankles that look like they could snap at any moment. I can feel your face turning green with envy through the screen.

3. Their Skin

Their skin is absolutely flawless. You can’t see their pores at all. It’s like they never went through puberty. No amount of Proactiv would ever get your skin that clear and you know it.

4. Their Abs

Their stomachs are crazy flat. It’s as if they don’t have internal organs. They don’t even have to go to the gym and they can eat all the grass they want. So lucky.

5. Their Hooves

Everyone can agree that feet are disgusting. Not only do they not have gross feet, they don’t have feet at all. Their classy cloven hooves are so dainty and understated. It’s like they’re wearing little wedges at all times. Every day is formal day for them.

6. Their Tails

If you don’t think every little deer’s tail is not the cutest GD thing you’ve ever seen in your life, then you are psychologically ill. Most girls would take a human life to have a behind that cute. When they shake that in the club, all eyes are on them.

7. Their Fur

It’s such a gorgeous shade of reddish-brown. It’s not too blonde and intimidating, but not too brown and mousey. The red hue makes them exotic and different. There’s no way that you could get that look without looking like a burnt Raggedy Ann doll. Their highlights (that are pretty much just spots) give them such a youthful glow.

8. Their Real Life Butterfly Filter

Everyone looks better with Snapchat’s butterfly filter, but the deer has that filter on him at all times. Butterflies just fly around their heads and they look absolutely flawless. You can’t compete with that shit.

9. Their Natural Beauty

Deer just get to wake up like that. They hang out in the woods all day, but still look like they just walked out of a salon/groomer. You smell like sweat after your short walk to class. They exude natural beauty. They don’t have to try, and they look stunning. Fuckin’ bitches.

Image via Shutterstock

A born and raised Jersey girl, she can always be found covered in sand and pizza sauce. Her personal brand is "that girl." She prefers wine in bottles because she thinks outside of the box. Send fan mail to sratbroTSM@gmail.com or by smoke signal.

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