No matter the letters, chapter houses are the same. Arguably, if you haven’t lived in your Greek house yet, you haven’t lived at all. Why anyone would reject the tremendous perks, from an automatic recruitment crash pad to catered feasts, and first dibs on all the cool, random stuff that gets sent over, from rush shirts to pizza to manual labor from fraternity pledges, is a mystery to me, but I digress. What makes this once in a lifetime experience is the sisters you share it with. Whatever you’re in the mood for, someone else always is too.
Through my years of sorority house residence and travels to others, I’ve noticed that there are nine types of ladies that can be found in any given Greek abode in America. So, next time you’re about to explode because your crafting supplies have gone missing or the wifi goes down once again, just smile and remind yourself of how good you’ve got it. Why? There’s no place like home.
1. Pajama Girl
Nobody can deny this gal is not working the system. Online class? Done. Hybrid internship? You betcha. The less she has to leave the house, the happier she is. Make sure to drag her out for weekly excursions because Vitamin C is the only thing she can’t Amazon Primed to her door.
2. Working Girl
Because she pays for her own dues, books, clothing and part of tuition, this chick has no choice but to live on the run. Having biologically trained herself to exist without sleep, she survives off Lean Pockets and to-go Frappucinos. Can often be found hanging out with Academic Girl, studying at 2 a.m. on a perfectly good Thursday evening, while the rest of the free world is off enjoying the mixer down the street. Likely candidate for next semester’s pledge mom.
3. Fitness Girl
Marked by the trail of protein powder and workout clothes she leaves in her wake. She’s probably an exercise science major or sports management major and definitely sports a six-pack. A shoo-in for “hottest body” for senior superlatives, likely dates a fellow gym rat male equivalent. #Gains.
4. Fraternity Girl
Essentially your foreign correspondent to the frat next door, this chick lives, breathes, eats, sleeps, and dreams the brotherhood. The ironic thing about her presence in her own home is that she is never there. Sweetheart elections are coming up and the campaign trail is getting heated. Intramural night? Game on. Pledge meeting? She’s there. Befriend her and you’ll have your choice of formal dates, cross her and you’ll be sorry.
5. Academic Girl
6 a.m.? You know it. 6 p.m.? Game on. She is possibly on Exec and definitely on Dean’s List. Eighteen credits are her cardio and she will probably be your boss in five years, so be nice, even when she’s a bitch after those all-nighters.
6. Hungover Girl
Not to be confused with Pajama Girl, Hungover Girl is permanently recovering or preparing to be intoxicated. Can often be found showering or napping between her going out endeavors. Catching her studying before finals is a rare, rare sight. She comes alive in the night time and is the first one to pop the bottle, host the pregame, and drag everyone to the mixer. Slated to be known as “the fun aunt” to your future children.
7. The Big
Possibly a fifth year or Exec board veteran, this girl has every medical supply, recruitment accessory, or networking connection you can dream of. She knows the advisors, the deans and the new members like the back of her hand. The Big has been around the block a few times and is respected as an oracle of wisdom. Obsessed with giant sweaters and referring to herself as “grandma”, can often be found running errands with the Little and FaceTiming with friends that graduated long ago.
8. The Little
Young for her grade, this little one can’t get her shit together. Can often be found whining about the ongoing saga of unrequited love with her hook up or threatening to dramatically dye her hair for attention when she’s not scheming to get rides to the mall out of people in favor of skipping class. Sure, she’s kind of annoying, but we love her anyways, and she’ll be the first on to help out at your bake sale. Best friends with Hung Over Girl.
9. Out Of State Girl
Hey! Can she borrow your shampoo, conditioner, curling iron, Advil, mascara, dark wash jeans, lettered t-shirt, granola bars, a notebook, and five pens? She’s late for class. Don’t you dare say no, because being ~out of state~, she’s paying twice your tuition, has no car on campus, and won’t let you forget it. While you’re not sure if roles were reversed that she “would do the same for you” and let you essentially pillage all personal belongings, you are sure of an invite to her destination hometown over summer break. .