There are 3.3 billion guys on this Earth. Sure, like, 70% of them are undateable, but that’s still a lot of guys to pick from. One, however, who should always be off-limits, is the guy whose desk is across from yours and frequently steals your stapler. I don’t care how gorgeous, and funny, and perfect he is, you shouldn’t date your coworkers. It’s a mistake. Trust.
1. You will have zero privacy in your relationship.
Being the office romance means you are the most interesting thing that’s happening at work. This might initially feel like a good thing, because #attention, but celebrities complain about paparazzi for a reason, right? All of your coworkers want to know the intimate details of your relationship, and all of them want to spread the intimate details of your relationship once they’ve heard them. No need to even tell your work best friend. She probably already read it in the GroupMe.
2. Your relationship goes beyond gossip and becomes a game.
Most office romances don’t work in the long run, so your coworkers will literally start to take bets on how long you and your betrothed will last. With so many people intertwined in your relationship, you’re bound to have lots of drama — which means lots of entertainment potential. People will be secretly rooting for you to lose your shit when he doesn’t wait for you to finish out your shift.
Guys love to share nudes, which is why you should always be careful sending them. But letting his frat brothers who you barely know catch a glimpse of your goodies is a whole different game than knowing that the people you see every day at work have seen you naked. It’s not great.
4. Lunch breaks get weird.
Do you have lunch together every day now that you’re dating? Do your friends get mad at you for ditching them? Do you invite him to Panera Bread for salads with you and the girls? And what if you end up with the same favorite lunch spots. Then do you have to decide who gets custody of Chipotle in the breakup?
5. There’s no avoiding him if you break up.
Call me old-fashioned, but if my boyfriend breaks my heart, I like to move on by never seeing him again, and cursing the day he was born. If you break up with a coworker, not only do you have to see him every day — and not in the “we awkwardly walk passed each other every Tuesday and Thursday on our way to class” kind of way. In the “we sit across from each other and are forced to collaborate” kind of way.
6. A breakup will affect everyone.
If things go south, your coworkers are forced to take sides, because God forbid anyone like both of you. Half of your coworkers will think he’s an asshole, and the other half will think you’re a bitch. All of a sudden, Sally who used to bring you Starbs every morning now hates you, and you have to kiss your morning coffee goodbye. It makes it weird for everyone, because everyone was somewhat invested in the relationship, and everyone can feel the tension in the air once it’s over.
7. You can develop unhealthy work competitions.
It’s normal to semi-hate someone who’s up for the same promotion as you are — it’s not normal when that someone is your boyfriend, for whom you’re supposed to be happy. You’ll find yourself annoyed when he gets a promotion, or a raise, or a day off, when that should have been you — or vice versa. Your boyfriend’s success should make you happy, and yours should make him happy, but competition tends to crush that.
8. Most of your time spent together is at work.
Sure, that’s why you fell for him in the first place, but now that you’re together, you want to spend time together outside the office, and it’s not likely that you’ll get off on the same night. Now this means you’re horny and unable to focus at the office, and left to do your own handiwork when you get home.
9. You might realize you were just wearing “work gogggles.”
Being a coworker and someone you’re around all the time bumps them at least one point in the attractiveness scale, because you don’t have a lot of people to choose from. Once you get him home, you might find out that he’s not the same at work as he is at play. At the office, he’s courteous and professional, and at home, he has six cats, and eats peanut butter with his toes, which is information you just never dreamed of knowing.
Don’t do it. It’s a bad idea. You will regret it. But if his adorable laugh and killer taste in business professional attire do ultimately win you over, at least make sure the sex is good so during coffee break he is good for something.