A Guide To The Perfect Summer Fling

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A Guide To The Perfect Summer Fling

If you leave school unattached for the summer, you’re putting yourself in the prime position for pretty much the best thing ever: a summer fling. Yes, I know it’s cliche, and I know it sounds like something from out of a hit 1970s musical vaguely related to muscle cars, but summer flings happen and they are pretty amazing if you can figure out how to do it right. It’s pretty simple, really, and here’s how to have the best 8-12 weeks of your life.

1. Set a Timeline

The key to a summer fling is that it has an expiration date (re: Carrie Bradshaw, expiration dating). You don’t want to carry on a long distance relationship with some guy from your hometown/summer vacation spot when you get back to school, so you need to give yourself a mental timeline, keeping in mind the end date of your summer hookup spree. This timeline is key because it allows you to be realistic with your expectations for the development of your relationship…which isn’t really a relationship, it’s just a mutual agreement to exclusively only have sex with each other for a few months.

2. Lower Your Standards…Sort of.

Obviously, while you’re on campus you’re busy pursuing your MRS degree and/or studying (whichever suits you), so your standards are dictated by the qualities you’d like in an actual boyfriend, future husband, or semen donor. Of course your boyfriend needs to be hot, and funny, and smart, preferably rich, and in a good house. It’s obviously beneficial if his major is pre-law or something that will lead to a lucrative career. This makes sense, because you’re actually trying to pursue a substantial relationship with this person.

I’m pretty sure that the foundation of any relationship comes from stalking a boy until he loves you, but you don’t have time for that if you’re looking for a relationship to last for fewer than three months. Essentially, you need to look for a guy who’s insanely good-looking, but offers little in the realm of real boyfriend qualities. You don’t want to get attached. The only plausible way to remain unattached is to be fully aware that the guy you’re hooking up with, while gorgeous, is going nowhere with his life. If you can recognize his lack of potential immediately, you won’t risk creating a sort-of boyfriend situation in your head, planning your non-existent future, and ultimately breaking your own heart. Great options for great summer hookups with zero boyfriend potential include, but are not limited to:

  • Bartenders
  • Lifeguards
  • Recently divorced wealthy investment bankers who father the children you nanny
  • The random British, Irish, Australian, or other foreign, but English-speaking guy who’s a counselor at the camp you’re working at
  • Some guy you went to high school with (both former boyfriends and boys you kind of knew but never hooked up with are acceptable)

What do all of these guys have in common? They’re attractive, they’re emotionally unavailable, and they’re obviously unviable options for a relationship.

3. Stay in Control

As much as you want to pine over the unattainable guy all summer, you need to make sure you get the most out of the eight weeks of non-committed commitment. Yes, you should resign to hooking up with a guy who looks great at the beach, but you shouldn’t waste your summer chasing after a guy who’s not interested. A challenge is fun throughout the school year, but it’s pointless to spend 6 weeks stalking someone for one possible drunken night of gratification.

4. Leave Time for Your Friends

If you go to school out of state, you miss your sisters terribly and are probably already bored with your high school girlfriends. A summer boyfriend is the perfect distraction. If your school friends are semi-close by, it’s awesome to road trip to spend time with them, but it’s important to keep your summer fling separate from them. Don’t bother bringing your hot guy around to introduce him to your sisters, because he won’t be an issue once school starts. You never want a guy to lead you on, so you shouldn’t give your new guy the impression that you’re interested in letting him become involved in areas of your life that don’t include sex. For this same reason, you should limit any contact he has with your family, and any contact you have with his.

5. End it and Don’t Look Back

Set a date for your last sexual congress of the summer (Labor Day is a good one), and stick to it. Have all the fun you want during your time at home, abroad, or wherever you’re spending your summer being single, but realize that the point of a summer fling is that it happens during the summer. Don’t try to make a relationship out of nothing, and don’t feel bad about not answering his phone calls or texts during the school year. You’ve only got so many summers of irresponsibility left, so you might as well make the most of them.

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