A Pi Phi Gives Up On Finding A Date For Formal, Decides To Bring Alpaca Instead


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Finding a formal date is tough. Like really, painfully, annoyingly tough. Unless you have a boyfriend, finding a guy to go buy a matching outfit, clean himself up, look hot, attend an event, behave, and then magically get down on his knee to propose because he realized in the short five hours of being blacked out that you are the one or, whatever — then yeah. That shit is pretty much impossible.

Lauren Chars, a Pi Phi from Butler University, decided that she had had enough. In an email to me, she explained that her search for finding a formal date was not going well.

For our sorority’s fall formal this year, I proceeded to scroll down the contact list in my phone, one by one casually shooting a text to each of my flings who I deemed worthy enough to behave in public. I came to the end and realized that I had exhausted all of my options.

Been there, right? But instead of just begging some loser guy who would inevitably throw up on the bus and ignore her all night, or bringing her gay bestie, she decided to do something a little bit different.

Now for a little background info, I have always had a thing for alpacas. No, not llamas, but alpacas. They are much cuter and fluffier, and in addition, much less mainstream (which makes me funnier and more relatable to the average person). Plus, I’m pretty sure they spit less.

So, ever since some of my first crushing high school breakups following two week relationships full of seemingly serious commitment, my immature self vowed that if I were to live an eternally single life, I would like to be with the alpacas. My plan to move down to the Chilean Pampas and selflessly give to these majestic animals seemed pretty valid then. And with all honesty? Seems to still be relevant today, considering the epidemic of male ineptitude which we face daily.

Makes total sense, right? So after accepting the fact that she didn’t want to deal with some dumb frat guy, and that she loves alpacas (a lot), she chose to do the next best thing. Take an alpaca to formal.

With this being said, the fact that no males followed through to accept my invitation to formal made me think about making a powerful public statement to further my influence upon single girls everywhere. I decided to bring my stuffed alpaca to formal. If I’m gonna spend my future devoting my livelihood to fostering the growth of alpaca populations everywhere, I might as well start that promotion early. Life’s too short to cry over the Sigma Chi hottie who left you hanging when you can just bring a damn stuffed animal to formal and have a grand old time doing it.

P.S. I would have brought a real one if only the petting zoo and our Vice President of Housing would have allowed it.

So yeah. This girl said “fuck it” to bringing a date, and decided to bring an alpaca. And since she was told she couldn’t bring a real one (thanks a lot, Standards), she did the next best thing. And the pictures? 10/10 would like on Insta.


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We’re not worthy.

[via Instagram / Lauren Chars]

Images via Lauren Chars

(yeahokaywhat) Aspiring to be the next Tina Fey, Rachel spends her free time doing nothing to reach that goal. While judging people based on how they use "they're" vs. "there" on social media, she likes eating buffalo chicken dip, watching other people's Netflix, and wearing sweatpants way more than is socially acceptable. Hate mail and puppy videos can be sent to: rachel@grandex.co

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