A Second Semester Senior’s Final College Bucket List


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So, you’ve almost made it. Just one more semester of Googling your way through homework, and your college career is officially through. The days of sleeping ’til noon and fucking everything up are almost over, and the thought of working nine to five probably scares the shit out of you. Fear not. These last few months will be one for the books, and it is still possible for you to let your freak flag fly. Complete the following 24 items to get the most out of your last days as a college senior and leave a legacy worth drinking over.

  1. Revisit your favorite frats. Wear mom jeans and glasses so everyone knows you’re old as fuck.
  2. Pass out on your chapter house’s living room couch after a night out, despite the fact that you don’t live there anymore.
  3. Try to get into a bar with your old fake, just to relive the glory days.
  4. Insist on mentoring a freshman in your sorority. Give her terrible advice and buy her shitty booze to make up for it.
  5. Take a bizarre class if you have any remaining elective credits to fill. You never know when basket weaving will come in handy.
  6. Convince a drunk frosh to get your name tattooed on his ass, so your spirit can remain at college for another few years.
  7. Take your pet to class. Explain to your teacher that it’s an emotional support animal to help deal with your crippling loneliness.
  8. Sit somewhere on campus with a whiteboard and a marker. Rate the men as they pass you.
  9. Start giving the middle finger to everyone you hate, because you’re almost gone and you’re going to regret not telling those bitches how you really feel.
  10. Fill out an application to become a house mom for the most savage fraternity on campus. You might wind up with a backup job, in case your diploma turns out to be empty.
  11. Pull a “Hey mister” outside of a gas station, despite being completely capable of purchasing alcohol on your own.
  12. Convince next fall’s recruitment chair that orange is the way to go for outfit opportunities.
  13. Give that alcohol you can’t stomach one last shot. Unless it’s tequila. Fuck tequila.
  14. Persuade a freshman into swiping you into your old dining hall. Show up with ten of your closest friends and a backpack full of Tupperware.
  15. Streak the campus. Try to do it at night, to avoid adding another offense on your record and deterring future employers.
  16. Try to get kicked out of a sporting event for being too hammered, if you haven’t already.
  17. Sit on a bench holding a 40 in a paper bag. Drink it all while trying to snag passersby and tell them about when you were their age.
  18. Host a bonfire with your friends to burn all the shit your ex-boyfriends have given you over the past four years. Scream obscenities and dance around the flame like gorillas.
  19. Get your president drunk enough to spill all of exec’s secrets the second a younger girl takes her place in office.
  20. Coerce an easily manipulated freshman into taking you to his formal. Slowly become a hit among his friends, as you are the only legal one of the group.
  21. Pop a bottle of champagne whenever you get the chance. Early celebration is 100% acceptable.
  22. Convince all the freshmen to go out the night before composites are taken so that they don’t look better than you.
  23. Fill a vodka bottle with water. Drink it during class and while exercising at the school gym to show everyone how hard you are.
  24. Make a list of all the things your mother warned you not to do. Do all of them.
Lucky Jo is much less medicated than her mother and sister, and she tends to think that’s a good thing. She's the newest full-time addition to the Grandex office, which is probably why they gave her the shittiest desk. In her free time she enjoys scaring small children, judging her peers, and condescendingly talking to GDIs at Starbucks. Follow her on twitter for cat memes and complaints. Email her at lucy@grandex.co.

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