Where would I be without you? You are a lifesaver, both literally and figuratively. You willingly put up with so much shit, from me and from others, and you brave bars and frat parties alike, all while remaining completely sober. You put up with unwanted advances from sweaty boys in tank tops, having beer spilled on your shoes, and witnessing drunken dance-floor makeouts without a drop of alcohol. So, from the bottom of my heart, I truly want to say thank you.
Thank you for keeping track of how much alcohol I’ve consumed when I’ve lost count of my shots, and for taking the bottle away from me when I’ve had too much. Thanks for letting me drag you along to yet another frat party when we both know all you really want to do is curl up in bed with Netflix and binge watch Grey’s Anatomy. Thank you for acting as my wingwoman when I see the boy I like/think is cute and for shamelessly flirting with his friend to give us time to “get to know each other.”
And thanks for always texting to check up on me when I inevitably go home with aforementioned boy, and for coming to pick me up at 2 A.M. when he turns out to actually be kind of weird and I just want to sleep in my own bed.
Thank you for walking me home when I’m too drunk to find my own way, and for going so far as to carry me those few times I’ve been too drunk to walk. Thanks for holding my hair back when I throw up, cleaning most of it up when I miss the toilet, and for not getting too mad that one time I threw up in the elevator all over your shoes. Thank you for making sure I sleep on my side, and for staying up super late to make sure I’m still breathing and don’t need to be taken to the hospital for alcohol poisoning after an extremely crazy night.
Thanks for filling me in on last night’s events the next morning when I have no memory of anything after my 13th shot, and for speaking quietly because you know that I’m extremely hungover and have a headache like no other (and for bringing me food/water when I literally can’t get out of bed). And thanks for always taking my phone away from me before I even start drinking to prevent me from drunk texting my ex (I really can’t thank you enough for this one).
But mostly, thank you for being such a good friend. For being someone who I know I can always rely on, and who I know will be my friend no matter what, because you’ve seen me at my worst and you love me anyway.
Every drunk girl ever. .