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A Totally Superficial Ranking Of The Guys On This Season of “The Bachelorette”

A Totally Superficial Ranking Of The Guys On This Season of “The Bachelorette”

Can you feel it, friends? The excitement in the air? The anticipation of Monday, when our favorite reject from last season of The Bachelor, Rachel, becomes the first black person to ever headline a season in the franchise?

Now personally, I don’t really care if Rachel is black, white, or blue with green polka dots; while I’m excited that the series is finally getting some diversity in its star, I’ve got to be honest – I’m more excited to look at fine gentlemen for the next few months. What better way to waste away summer Monday evenings than with a cool shandy and some hot dudes?

ABC still hasn’t released the deets on the guys vying for Rachel’s heart, but for all of us filling out our Bachelorette brackets, Reality Steve has the lowdown on at least 23 of the contestants. After taking a scan through their social – and reading absolutely nothing else about them – here’s my completely shallow ranking of Rachel’s suitors.

23. Jonathan Treece: New Smyrna Beach, FL

22. Matt Munson: 32, Meriden, CT.

21. Blake Killpack: 30, San Francisco, CA.

Whatever you are, be a good one #oahu #angelwings #hapa

A post shared by Blake Killpack (@blakekillpack) on

20. Grant Hubsher: 30, New York, NY.

#nationaldoctorsday it's a real thing, I even asked Siri….

A post shared by Grant S. Hubsher, M.D. (@doctor.grant) on

19. Kenny “King” Layne: 35, Originally from Florida, but currently lives in Vegas.

She only like me cause my….

A post shared by kenny king (@kennykingpb2) on

18. Iggy Rodriguez: 29, Chicago, IL.

17. Kenneth Moreland: 29, Chicago, IL.

16. Josiah Graham: 28, Tallahassee, FL.

15. Will Gaskins: 27, Originally from White Plains, NY but currently lives Miami, FL.

14. Brady Ervin: 29, Originally from Eden Prairie, MN, but currently lives in LA.

13. Alex Bordyukov: 28, Grosse Point, MI.

12. Blake Elarbee: 31, Los Angeles, CA.

11. Anthony Battle: 26, Chicago, IL.

10. Lucas Yancey: 30, Los Angeles, CA.

9. Fred Johnson: Originally from Dallas, but currently lives Los Angeles.

8. Dean Unglert: 26, Los Angeles, CA.

7. Mo Sehgal: 27, San Francisco, CA.

A post shared by Mo Sehgal (@mo_sehgal) on

6. Jack Stone: 30, Dallas, TX.

5. Eric Bigger: 29, Los Angeles, CA

4. Garrett: 29, Nashville, TN.

3. Dr. Bryan Abasolo: 37, Miami, FL.

2. DeMario Jackson: 30, Los Angeles, CA.

1. Peter Kraus: 30, Madison, Wisconsin.

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Jenna Crowley

Jenna used to be known as 2NOTBrokeGirls, but then one of the girls actually went broke, so she's struck out on her own. Jenna spends her free time saving the world, one sorority girl at a time (usually while wearing yoga pants), questioning why she decided to get a doctorate, and documenting her love of all things cheese related. You can ask her anything you want about football, using your boobs to get what you want, and pizza at @JennaLCrowley on Twitter or via email at JennaLCrowley@gmail.com.

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