A Tribute To Miranda Lambert

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Nice Move

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Miranda Lambert is the perfect sorority girl icon. She’s tough as nails, insanely successful, and married to someone smoking hot. Because she’s totally loco, Miranda’s music makes you feel both totally insane, but not all that crazy at the same time. Her fabulous life proves that even if you’re bitter, cynical, and just a tad bit twisted, you can still be sassy and get everything you want, all while dreaming about shooting ex-boyfriends.

Miranda obviously has songs for all occasions, but she’s at her best when you’re going through a break-up, or just furious with someone who did you wrong. It doesn’t matter if said break-up is with a boyfriend, best friend, or a guy who never knew you were dating at all. Miranda shows you how to be tough in the roughest of situations. Even when you’re convinced that you should relapse with your ex instead of exorcize him, listen to one Miranda jam and you’ll be ready to murder, not forgive.

Miranda shows that it’s okay to be a little bit psychotic sometimes, which is tough to remember when a boy looks at you with terror in his eyes. She knows that “behind every woman scorned is a man who made her that way.” Craziness is clinically proven to be caused by assholes, a fact that Dr. Miranda confirms. Her songs reassure you that it’s okay to contemplate revenge when someone tries to mess with you, as long as you don’t enact any truly insane Godfather-esque schemes, because a prison jumpsuit is not cute (or worth it). Not that you were, obviously, because if you burned down your ex-boyfriend’s house you might scare his dog, which is his lone redeeming quality.

Like any good sorority girl, Miranda is enthusiastic about alcohol. She even created her own cocktail, the Randarita. It’s perfect drink to mess you up during swimsuit season, since it consists of Bacardi, raspberry lemonade, Crystal Light, and a splash of Sprite Zero. Plus, who among us hasn’t created their own personal cocktail with whatever leftover liquor she had lurking around her fridge? My personal concoction is called the “Quarter Life Crisis,” and involves Red Bull, ginger ale, and copious amounts of vodka. There may be other ingredients, but it’s unclear.

While there are lots of pop starlets who are sending the wrong messages completely (Rhianna, I’m talking to you), or even worse, not saying anything at all (when did Britney turn into a British man?), it’s nice to know there’s someone you can listen to who’s always empowering. Miranda is inspirational because she shows that you can be the most jaded girl in the world and still have a fairytale ending with a guy who just happens to be tall, talented, handsome, and hilarious (his banter on The Voice and bromance with alterna-hottie Adam Levine kills it). She’s a badass bitch with a fabulous life, which is far superior to being a revenge-crazed cat lady. Anyway, who wouldn’t be ecstatic with a hot husband, incredible career, and the knowledge that your significant other will never cheat because you’re terrifying?

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