Brooke Mueller, the insane ex-wife of the even more insane Charlie Sheen, has just checked into rehab for the nineteenth time. NINETEENTH. As the only person in the world who has been in and out of rehab more than Lindsay Lohan, Mueller blames her addiction to Adderall for her most recent check-in. Some time last week, Brooke overdosed on the ADD medication/miracle study aid and was rushed to the hospital, unresponsive. After being released from the hospital, Mueller checked into rehab last night. Mueller has allegedly battled “substance abuse” and “alcohol addiction” for a long time, long enough to merit nineteen trips to rehab.
My first reaction to the news was well, duh, you’d have to be a drug addict to be married to Charlie Sheen, but that was when I was under the assumption she was on a ton of illegal drugs, with a BAC of like 6.7 when she overdosed. According to reports, Brooke had only Addy in her system when she was admitted. ONLY. ADDERALL. This news made me go from apathetic and judgmental, to legitimately worried. How much Adderall is too much Adderall? Will I ever actually get around to studying, or am I doomed to spend my entire life online shopping and perusing TFM? What are the signs of an Adderall addiction? I have so many questions.
I’ve always considered the moderate to severe consumption of Adderall and alcohol, Mueller’s “addictions,” to be a standard part of the life of a college student. I assumed that sometime after I’m done getting my second degree, and before I’m actually forced to “work” and “get my shit together,” I would stop all of my recreational activities, and live my life without the assistance of ADD medication and/or vodka. But now I’m legitimately worried that some people I know may be taking their use of these substances too far. Maybe bribing a pledge with boob pics in exchange for a Vyvanse cocktail is indicative of a real problem.
Then again, if this bitch has been to rehab nineteen times, clearly, she’s not taking it seriously. Maybe she just likes being able to get away from everything in a way that keeps her relevant. Unclear.