Adrienne Bailon Got Married In Biggest “I Won The Breakup” Moment Of All Time

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Nice Move

With every breakup, there’s a winner, and Adrienne Bailon just solidified herself as the victor in her breakup from Rob Kardashian, times one million trillion. The pair dated when Rob was still Hot Rob (RIP), and he was a cheating fuckboy desperate to get her back, and she never gave in, because she is capable of something I’ve heard of once before: self-respect. Sorceress.

Anyway, since the breakup, Rob has been on the steady decline. He gained a million pounds, went crazy, was presumed dead (by me), and then started dating Blac Chyna — who I won’t speak ill of directly as she’s Queen Mother to the only soul in the next generation named Kardashian, but uhhhh, she’s Blac Chyna.

And now, Adrienne is saying “I fucking won, bitch,” once and for all with her happiness. This weekend, she married Israel Houghton — a not that hot or famous Christian singer/songwriter, but who the fuck cares, because she looked amazing at their wedding in effing Paris, and her ring is huge.

You. Me. Oui.

A video posted by Adrienne Eliza Houghton (@adriennebailon) on

She looks so beautiful it hurts.

“Angela” is shaking.

Veronica (@VeronicaRuckh) is the Director of Total Sorority Move for Grandex, Inc. After having spent her undergraduate years drinking $4 double LITs on a patio and drunk texting away potential suitors, she managed to graduate with an impressive GPA and an unimpressive engagement ring -- so unimpressive, in fact, some might say it's not there at all. Veronica has since been fulfilling her duties as "America's big," a title she gave to herself with the help of her giant ego. She has recently switched from vodka to wine on weekdays. Email her at veronica@grandex.co

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