American University Lockdown Inspired By “Gunman” Who Was Actually Just A Cop

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After someone spotted a gunman on American University’s campus last night, school officials ordered a lockdown. Students were updated via email and Twitter that there safety was in jeopardy, and all campus buildings were locked — students and faculty ordered to remain “sheltered in place.” Some students were stuck in the library, while others were taking exams. For two hours, everyone lived in fear for their lives, as they heard helicopters from outside the buildings they were told to stay inside of. I can just imagine all the Facebook statuses:

“Such a scary time. Really makes you appreciate the people who are important to you.”

“Honestly, I really hate people. Where is your humanity? What brings a person to bring a gun onto a campus?!”

“Stay safe, everyone.”

“Does anyone have more information on this? We’re FREAKING out in 311! with Katie Jones, Christina Gray, and Sara Ann”

“Fuck it. I hope finals are canceled tomorrow.”

And it makes sense. It does. I’d be freaked out. After all, who carries a gun visibly besides a crazed murderer? And a cop…which is who the “gunman” was. That’s right. The entire university had a whole big frenzy, locked down the school, and yes, probably rescheduled a few finals, because a COP, whose job it is to walk around with a gun, was walking around with a gun. To be fair, he was off-duty, but I still find this alarmingly humiliating for the DCPD.

Police are following the incident up with an “It’s better to be safe than sorry,” angle, but acting in an over cautious manner doesn’t bode well when I tell my boyfriends I only read through all of their text messages all the way back to his senior prom because “it’s better to be safe than sorry,” so I’m not sure I can let police totally live this down either.

[via CNN]

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Veronica (@VeronicaRuckh) is the Director of Total Sorority Move for Grandex, Inc. After having spent her undergraduate years drinking $4 double LITs on a patio and drunk texting away potential suitors, she managed to graduate with an impressive GPA and an unimpressive engagement ring -- so unimpressive, in fact, some might say it's not there at all. Veronica has since been fulfilling her duties as "America's big," a title she gave to herself with the help of her giant ego. She has recently switched from vodka to wine on weekdays. Email her at veronica@grandex.co

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