Columns

Apply To Be A TSM Writer Right TF Now

TSM Writer

It’s recruitment season for TSM and we’re looking for funny bitches to add to our squad. We’re looking for writers who understand the voice of the site and whose humor fits well with ours. The TSM team is made up of cool, funny girls who aren’t offended easily and have the ability to make fun of themselves. If that sounds like you, listen up.

What we’re looking for:

  • Long form columns. Aim for 500-800 words. More is fine in some circumstances, but less than 400 words won’t be published.
  • Funny, original content. Don’t submit something you wrote for your school newspaper, your blog, or another website. Make it yours and make it TSM.
  • Creative ideas. If you’ve seen the column done on the Internet before, we’ve definitely seen it and chances are, so has everyone else. Be original, be funny, and think outside the box.

What we’re NOT looking for:

  • Touchy-feely or serious columns. While we do occasionally publish columns like this, TSM is first and foremost a comedy website, so keep that in mind. And if your title starts with “An Open Letter To…” I might just spontaneously combust. No open letters. Just… no.
  • News pieces. If chosen as part of our team, you’ll definitely be writing news pieces, but that’s not the first thing we want to see from you.
  • Lists. Lists are easy, columns are hard. If your columns are good, we know your lists will be good too.
  • Personal anecdotes. I’m sure you wouldn’t be writing for us if your life wasn’t hilarious, but this isn’t story time. Everyone has those drunk, hilarious college memories, but writing those stories is like trying to retell a funny joke you heard one time: it’s never as good the second time around.

Freelance writers are handsomely rewarded for their published articles in the form of more Twitter followers, minor internet fame, and cold hard cash. The more you write, the more money you earn to spend on things like, say, alcohol. (Kidding, we all know sorority girls don’t pay for their drinks.)

Grandex attracts millions of monthly visitors, so if you have any type of journalistic ambitions, this would be a great place to start. Freelance writers will be able to put “Contributing writer for Grandex, Inc” on their résumé, and we’ll be happy provide you with any statistics relating to your published work should you want it. Not to mention, many of our full-time staff started out as freelance writers, so if you dream of making a living while writing about guys and alcohol, this is your shot.

Applicants should use this as an opportunity to showcase their funny brains, incredible writing skills and ability to execute those ideas in a way that makes people laugh so hard they just have to share your column in their group message.

Think you have what it takes? Here’s how to apply.

1. Write an original column that fits the brand and follows the guidelines stated above. This is your chance to blow us away. We’ll be sorting through a ton of submissions, so make sure yours stands out from the rest.

2. Create an account on the site. The username you pick will be the username your article will be published under (should your submission be chosen), so choose wisely.

3. While logged in, submit the column to the site by clicking “Submit” on the top menu bar, then “Column” on the left menu bar. Paste your column in the text field and submit your work.

4. Include your email address in the title, in parentheses, so we can contact you.

We’re always taking on new freelance writers so there’s no specific deadline. If your column is deemed publish-worthy, you will be contacted by our staff to discuss your future as a potential writer for TSM.

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Veronica Ruckh

Veronica (@VeronicaRuckh) is the Director of Total Sorority Move for Grandex, Inc. After having spent her undergraduate years drinking $4 double LITs on a patio and drunk texting away potential suitors, she managed to graduate with an impressive GPA and an unimpressive engagement ring -- so unimpressive, in fact, some might say it's not there at all. Veronica has since been fulfilling her duties as "America's big," a title she gave to herself with the help of her giant ego. She has recently switched from vodka to wine on weekdays. Email her at veronica@grandex.co

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