Hellooooo, ladies. Welcome back to Ask Hot Piece. Real advice from a neutral party about boys, besties, blackouts, and everything in between. E-mail me any time (firstname.lastname@example.org) and the columns will come out weekly. Think Dear Abby, but in a version who isn’t 400.
So, my best friend and I have been best friends for over a year and half now. We have never been in a real fight or anything because we tend to be able to talk things out and just get along in general. Recently, I don’t know what’s wrong with her. She always seems to be in a bad mood and gets mad at everything around her for what seems like no reason. She also CONSTANTLY is correcting me on things and always thinks she’s right about everything (including any opinion she has on sorority related matters). I really don’t know how to bring this up with her, because I can’t exactly be like, “Hey, I really hate your personality lately, can you completely change back to who you used to be?” Any advice on how to handle it in a way that won’t completely end our friendship?
This is a little bit tricky. Fighting with your friends is so much complex than fighting with a boy because you can’t just cry, and get all cute, and cuddle up when tensions are high. I definitely think you should talk to her about it and I’d probably approach it in a totally non-threatening way. Something like: “hey, it seems like you’ve been a little off lately, I don’t know if anything’s going on or if you’re upset about anything, but I want you to know you can come to me if you need to talk.” I wouldn’t use any words like “irritable” or “bitchy” or even “mad” to suggest that her behavior is unpleasant to you, because even though that is the case, it’s probably stemming something that’s making her feel upset. Anything that feels like an attack is the worst thing to do. Let her know you’re there for her because that’s probably what she genuinely needs right now rather than a scolding and hopefully she’ll come to you with whatever’s on her mind. If the problem persists, you two are best friends, and with the best friend card comes the power to say “you’re being a bitch lately, and I’m trying to be here for you, but you’re making it difficult. WTF is going on?” But I’d make a genuine effort to approach her with kindness before you hit her with the tough love.
I’m a freshman girl and was at a fraternity house the other night (I know, SHOCKER) but I blacked out and my roommate and I don’t remember a SINGLE thing after being in the house for about 20 minutes. We woke up in our room the next day, and a friend I have in the house said they made one of the pledges walk us home. Even when I drink a lot, I never like, dont remember ANYTHING, so its possible that someone put something in a drink they gave us. Do you think that i should be as worried as I am? Or should I just cut my losses and forget about it?
Eeeek, I feel like I’m about to get all Junior in HS health class on you. Here’s the thing: You are a freshman, I’m sure you’ve drunk before (and yes, drunk IS the proper tense here: drink-drank-drunk like sing-sang-sung), but I’m also sure you’ve not drunk in quite the same surroundings. You are in a new place, with new surroundings, and new people who maybe you’re not 100% comfortable with. It may have taken more alcohol to get you to the same feeling of drunkenness that you’d typically get with your high school friends due to nerves, excitement, etc. So, you legitimately may have just experienced your first black-out. I’ve woken up with zero memories of the previous night when I know my drinks hadn’t been compromised. You also may be psyching yourself out a little bit because college is new to you, and perhaps you’re a little scared and paranoid. Being roofied is reaaaaaallly not super common. Your high school teachers would have you believe there are guys left-and-right trying to slip drugs into your drink, when it’s really not like that. Think about in like fifth grade: your health teachers gave you all these methods to say no to cigarettes and it made you think there were going to be bad guys lurking around every corner trying to force you to smoke…that didn’t happen. Neither does this.
However, I feel the need to play Mommy right now and say there is really no way to be POSITIVE. You were at a frat party, and though I don’t think most fraternities themselves put roofies in the drinks, (they’re a big organization and so much is at stake), at the beginning of the school year, random guys may be going to these parties, and it’s really hard to know who is where doing what. Personally, I don’t live in constant fear of roofies, or really ever think about them at all, but I still genuinely don’t accept drinks from guys if I didn’t see them get it for me. If it’s coming straight from the keg, or the bar, or whatever jungle juice drink it’s probably fine, but if a guy is just handing you a drink, suggest to share it with him and make sure he drinks it first. Outside of Alan Garner, I’ve never heard of a guy drugging himself.
The important thing for you to remember in this situation, is that someone was looking out for you, you and your friend got home safe, and if you’re nervous just be careful when accepting drinks. If you make it a rule to stick with your friends, even if something (God forbid) does happen to you, they’ll be able to get you home.
I am about to be a freshman at a big10 academically challenging school and I am very excited to go Greek… rush is in only two weeks! My fear– are sisters sisters for life because of superficial association or four years of forced pictures and events, or do you find that Srat sisters are genuinely besties for life? I have been somewhat apprehensive to rush only because I don’t want to be attached to what has been called a “fake lifestyle” but that my cousins who went Greek told me was “the best decision they ever made.” It seems like there are always conflicting reviews and I wanted your advice. Thanks!
AHH!!!!!! What an exciting time!!!! You have four amazing years ahead of you! I’m going to have to jump on the “best decision I’ve ever made” bandwagon here. Of course there are stigmas about being in a sorority and being “fake,” but you’ll quickly get over that, once you realize how obsessed you are with your chapter. A sorority is what you make of it, and the same goes for the friends you take away from your experience. Let me be clear: you are NOT going to have 150 best friends. But I will say the girls I was closest with in my chapter are still the girls I am closest with in my life, and as for the girls I was just normal friends with, I still pounce on them when I see them and will talk to occasionally for updates about life. Besties for life has to do with the relationships you form and that’s not exclusively Greek. The girls you meet in COLLEGE will be your besties for life if you want them to. I would 100% recommend you go through with Recruitment, because being in a sorority really is an experience like no other. It brought me close to girls I would have never met otherwise…you meet your best friends, and if they have friends in other sororities you meet them, it’s just great for networking, and honestly not to get all cheesy, but knowing that you’re a part of something with so much tradition and history, and you share this secret bond with a group of girls who are all connected to something because they love it as much as you do…it’s really just amazing. It honestly changed my life. GO GREEK! (But really.) Good luck with Recruitment!
Hi I am a transfering Junior to Arizona State but I am 18 because I got out of high school early. anyways. I am planning on rushing and really need to know what to wear when to not wear heels or wedges ect. I am 5’2 so I can usually get away with it I just don’t want to be too over dressed. I also am wondering what to not talk about, and If it will be harder to get into the house of my choice because of being a junior.
Different schools have very different rules about what to wear during recruitment. My school was pretty strict and we had to wear this ugly t-shirt and jeans every round except preference. We weren’t even allowed to wear jewelry. It was so we couldn’t judge or be judged by what we were wearing, which is actually kind of nice, but I’m all about the whole “fashion is art we live our lives in” thing…whatever. I digress. My point is, it’s a little tough for me to advise you on what to wear, and I’d REALLY advocate talking to your Rho Chis (or Rho Gammas, or Pi Chis…your recruitment counselors) about how dressy you want to be. What’s important to remember though, is you’re dressing to impress GIRLS not guys. If you’re at liberty to wear anything of your choosing and you want to wear a cute pair of heels, I think that’s fine, but just basically don’t make it slutty. You don’t want to be wearing fuck-me shoes, because these girls don’t want to fuck you. Again, ask your Rho Chis if you need help.
DON’T talk about booze, boys, and brands. That’s the cardinal rule. You never know who loves and/or hates that guy you made out with and the other two are just in poor taste. Don’t name-drop. Don’t act like you know things you don’t. Don’t talk about other fraternities/sororities on campus. Don’t mention TSM. And stay away from controversial topics like religion and politics. Like, duh, I think for that last one, just making sure.
As far as the whole being a junior thing, I’m going to be 100% honest, this may work against you a little bit, but it’s not a death sentence. I have heard of girls joining as juniors, but it might be a little more difficult. I’d still suggest going out for recruitment, because it doesn’t hurt to try. Some schools have a policy where juniors “don’t count” so like a bid to a junior doesn’t count for quota and it won’t take away a bid from a freshman. And you’re like…young. Just go for it and have fun with it!
My ex-boyfriend broke up with me telling me that the timing wasn’t right when we got back to our college town, we had been dating all of second semester of last year and throughout the summer (long distance), we were in love. Mind you we had been fighting a lot the last two weeks leading up to the break up because we were nervous about what our college town would bring and we didn’t want to lose each other. The morning of being broken up with he was telling me he loved me so much it scared the shit out of him, then I had to leave for recruitment and then we had an afternoon a conversation that went bad and we ended up breaking up. When we first started dating, I kissed a guy but me and my then boyfriend were “together” but not official. Does that factor into why he broke up with me now? Was I not the perfect sorostitute girlfriend? Is he over me already? I don’t understand where I went wrong because even his brothers didn’t expect us to break up.
What we have here is a classic “I met you too soon” situation. I don’t think he’s over you, I don’t think that one boy before you were dating has anything to do with it, and I don’t think any of the minor fights caused this. I think he suddenly had some sort of realization that he’s too young for forever to start and wants to be single. That’s what he means by timing. I’m sure he still loves you if he’s telling you so. HOWWWWWWever. That doesn’t mean he’s going to change his mind about this break-up. If it’s important for him to have some more “single time” then it may just be what he needs. Break-ups are NEVER easy. But being clingy and begging for him to take you back (and/or waiting around for him if this turns into a “break”) won’t make either of you happy. You’ll feel pathetic and he’ll feel resentful. I think he owes you an explanation and it’s ok for you to sort of demand one from him, but at the end of the day, you need to respect his wishes. It’s one of the most unfair things that it takes two people to maintain a relationship, but only one to end one. You just have to have faith that what’s meant to be will be, and if that means you go back to each other, then that’s what it means, but if it doesn’t, you will find someone even better. I know you’re in love, and I ALWAYS say this, but loving someone doesn’t make someone right for you, so keep that in mind in your grieving period. And make sure to have lots of sisters and wine around!
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