While everybody here has been placing bets on whatever sporting match is being televised, our friends across the pond have been focusing their gambling addiction on things that matter: the royal baby! Kate Middleton (my imaginary big) and Prince William are expecting their first heir to the throne literally any day now, and the entire country is so excited about it that bookies are taking bets on every aspect of the child’s life.
A few categories include:
- Will Kate deliver naturally or have a C-section?
- What will the baby be named?
- Will the baby come before Kimye’s demon spawn?
These are all really fucking major questions, and apparently betting began the minute Kate’s pregnancy was officially announced.
As of now, Kate’s favored to deliver via C-section, which I totally support. Why should she have to ruin her vagina? She’s literally married to a prince. Britney Spears also delivered via C-section. If Kate gets the little heir snipped out of her instead of pushing it through her ruined vaginal walls, I’ll definitely know that having a cesarean is the way to go when it comes to delivering children. Her expected date of delivery is the middle of July, with July 13 pulling in the lead.
As for names, everybody thinks she’s having a girl, and the name “Alexandra” has been favored above all other names if a little Princess is born. Alexandra has some serious royal lineage: it’s Queen Victoria’s real name, it was King Edward VII’s wife’s name, and it’s Queen Elizabeth’s middle name. I fully support Will and Kate naming their baby Alexandra. Every girl I’ve ever known named Alexandra has definitely had a major princess complex, and it’s only fitting that a real modern day princess receives the moniker.
Who knows? Maybe she’ll love the name Alexandra until her gymnastics coach shortens it to “Alex” when she’s 5. After that, maybe she’ll prefer to be referred to as Alex, much to her parent’s disdain, and even make the major mistake of having Alex put on all 250 of her bat mitzvah invitations? She’ll probably try to make a return to her longer, more regal sounding name later in life, but she won’t have any luck unless she completely meets all new people who have never called her Alex. This happened to…a girl I know, but she’s still a royal bitch, so I guess that makes her a princess in some way.
Either way, I’m placing my bets that regardless of what she has, what she names it, or how she has it, the royal baby will be infinitely better-looking, better-dressed, and better-equipped to contribute to society than the spawn of Kimye.
Image via Associated Press