As much as I hate to admit it, summer is over, and fall semester is upon us. After the blackout that was welcome week/syllabus week, I’ve finally come to terms with the fact that I am no longer an undergrad (so annoying. I forget sometimes), and that I will be spending the majority of my precious time that I would otherwise spend guzzling double Ketel and soda’s with lime and online shopping sitting in class and trying to make myself a viable option to employ in this “real world” people keep yelling at me about.
Anyway, yesterday, I was running around campus in tiny shorts and a pair of Burberry rainboots (Thanks, Isaac, btw. I don’t want to live in a world where I can’t wear designer rainboots during a tropical storm. That’s a sick world, indeed), and a J.Crew button up (it was super Cape Cod inspired because I’m semi-professional now) when it hit me: what the hell is the dress code when you’re in educational limbo? I’ve consulted, and I’m pretty sure that Norts and over-sized philanthropy Tees are no longer acceptable. I’ve come to realize I may have to step up my game when it comes to dressing for class, because apparently, showing up to get your MBA in a pair of monogrammed running shorts is frowned upon. Whatever. I’m not mad about wearing cute dressy/casual scenarios in the classroom.
I did, however, notice one horrifying trend among the undergrads that hasn’t changed since the glory days of my youth (aka last year): the way GDIs and weirdos dress to go to class. It’s sick, it’s horrifying, and honestly, I don’t feel safe in a world where some of these former carnies are educated alongside well-bred individuals. Here are a list of trends/people I really, really wish would stop showing up to Poli Sci lectures across the country:
1. The Over-Dressed GDI Female
I can’t explain how annoying it was to show up a little hungover to class to see someone show up looking like they have actually taken the time to get ready for class, with the amount of make-up and hair-frying I’d reserve for an event with my ex-boyfriend’s top tier fraternity that will likely result in a sighting of him, and his new girlfriend. What is this, high school? This girl is the same girl who shows up in Abercrombie ripped jeans (NO) and actually raises her hand during lecture. STOP.
2. The Over-Dressed GDI Male
I hate him so much because it’s as if he does a sneak attack. Multiple times, I’ve been in lecture and have found an attractive guy (from a distance) and have seen that he’s actually wearing a polo, which is a welcome change from the Phi Psi rush tees the guys next to him are sporting. After further investigation, however, I’ve come to realize that he is not interacting with his brothers next to him, because they aren’t his brothers at all. To make matters worse, it’s not a real polo, it’s from Hollister. WHY MUST YOU TOY WITH MY AFFECTIONS LIKE THIS, WORLD?
3. The Over-Zealous Christian
We all know this guy/girl: they wear wholesome, albeit unfashionable, clothing, laugh at the professor’s jokes, and give us judgmental looks because our homecoming pair T-shirts are hilarious. I wish they would loosen up so much that I may or may not have tried to roofie a decaf coffee or two back in my day.
4. The Under-Dressed GDI
Call me crazy, but when we show up in running clothes to class, it’s adorable. When geeds show up to class looking as if they’d just rolled out of bed, it’s repulsive. I have no time for knock-off running shorts and high school soccer team t shirts. I also am going to question your hygiene, because it looks as if you haven’t showered. Sick.
5. The Low-Class Fashionista
I’m so sick of hearing five inch heels clicking against tile floors that I want to puke. Who in the hell wears ripped skinny jeggings (NO.NO.NO), NEON pink heels, a matching NEON tee, and NEON hoop earrings to a 9:30 calc class? Oh, the same girl who raises her hand by pointing her index finger and lifting her elbow three inches off the desk (I know you just mimicked that, and you know exactly what I’m referring to now). If you’re wondering why I put NEON in capitals, it’s because it is very loud, shouty, and offensive to me, unless I’m the one wearing it on a hilarious mixer tank.
6. The In-State Skank
Nobody’s aware of how this girl stumbled onto a college campus instead of the set of “16 and Pregnant” but everyone is very aware of who she is. Instead of coming to continue her education and clear her high school reputation, she’s come to campus with about four inches of her midriff exposed because her super tight cami keeps riding up. I swear to God, the next time I see a tramp stamp peeking out from underneath a zip up/cami combo, I’m going to lose it.
7. The Hipster
I hate hipsters. I hate hipsters. I hate hipsters. One more time. I hate hipsters. Anyway, yesterday, I saw a girl wearing a multi-colored LEOPARD PRINT skinny jean scenario with a lace tank top, and a pair of Chuck Taylors. No. NO. Never. Nunca. Nein. I hate hipsters for showing up to class, bitching about how mainstream everyone else is and acting like they’re so much smarter than I am. Listen, I think it’s cute that you did some weird coffee house poetry reading and raised $20 for Uganda, but, I’ve raised millions for various charities within the past two months. These “people” lead annoying class discussions, spend hours convincing everyone they’re “artsy” when really they’re just “rejects” and rolling their eyes when I yell “YOU CAN’T SIT WITH US” when they try to sit in a row I’ve clearly reserved for five of my sisters in lecture. Ugh.
All I want is to live in a world where I don’t have to look at poorly dressed idiots while I’m trying to get an education. Is that too much to ask?
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