It has not been the best of times for Chipotle. The chain we once loved more than anything faced a hell of a lot of turmoil last year when it starting making everyone spew Mexican food out of every hole. I, for one, could not have cared less. I maybe even went to Chipotle more because you know what they say, “if you want to lose five pounds, get E Coli from a Tex-Mex chain.”
Anyways, after the little making-everyone-really-sick hiccup, the restaurant has been trying to gain its customers back. From offers of free chips and guac, to insane BOGOs, it’s been pulling out all of the stops to make us love it again. And apparently, it hasn’t exactly worked. The business is still 20 percent down since everything blew up in its metaphorical face (and in our toilets — sorry sorry). So in order to try to lure people back, again, it’s resorting to one of the oldest tactics in the game. Alcohol.
Just like your ex who makes you sick but also knows exactly what you like. You forget about him. Then in a moment of weakness, you see him. You have a beautiful time together and then he makes you regret it. You say you’ll never go back to him but then? He throws a party. He invites you. You go, but just for a few minutes. Next thing you know you’re downing his alcohol and putting your mouth in places you said you’d never put your mouth again.
Just like your shitty ex who you can’t help but love, Chipotle is now luring us back with alcohol.
According to Business Insider the chain we never quite got over is now praying on our inability to turn down free alcohol to get us in its stores. I wish I could say it won’t work, but when have we ever turned down people giving us free beer while also giving us chips? Yeah. Exactly. Since not every store has it’s liquor licence, it’s been pretty lowkey, but here are the places where you can score free booze.
Chicago: Get half off “adult” beverages every Thursday 4-8pm in August and September at participating Chicago locations.
Iowa (except Iowa City): Get two margaritas or beers for the price of one every day from 4-8pm in August and September at participating Iowa locations.
Kansas: Get half off “adult” beverages every day from 4-8pm in August and September at participating Kansas locations.
Kentucky: Get two beers for the price of one every Thursday from 4-8pm in August and September at participating Kentucky locations.
Missouri: Get two margaritas or beers for the price of one every day from 4-8pm in August and September at participating Missouri locations.
Nebraska: Get two margaritas or beers for the price of one every day from 4-8pm in August and September at participating Nebraska locations.
Ohio: Get half off “adult” beverages every Thursday 4-8pm in August and September at participating Ohio locations.
Wisconsin: Get two beers for the price of one every Thursday from 4-8pm in August and September at participating Wisconsin locations.
If you live in one of these places, walk, don’t drive to the nearest Chipotle and get ready to get fucked up. But if you throw up the next morning, remember — it might not be just from the alcohol. Whatever. It’s worth it..
[via Business Insider]
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Rachel Varina
(yeahokaywhat) Aspiring to be the next Tina Fey, Rachel spends her free time doing nothing to reach that goal. While judging people based on how they use "they're" vs. "there" on social media, she likes eating buffalo chicken dip, watching other people's Netflix, and wearing sweatpants way more than is socially acceptable.
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