If you put a gun to my head, I couldn’t tell you which Hemsworth brother is hotter, Chris or Liam. They’re rugged, sexy Australians who happen to share the same flawless DNA. Not only are they both insanely attractive, but at least one of the Hemsworth brothers is definitely packing some heat “down under.”
Chris Hemsworth stars in a movie called Vacation, out now, where he plays Leslie Mann’s extremely attractive and extremely well-endowed husband. Obviously, they can’t show his real John Hancock, because that would be considered pornography and/or cause any woman who sees the movie to immediately dump their clearly inadequate boyfriend or husband. So they needed to outfit Hemsworth with a stand-in penis. A mock cock, if you will.
That’s where the problems arose.
Designers erected (lol) a few different prosthetic schlongs for Hemsworth to try on, varying in levels of hugeness. The only problem was that they were all too small on Hemsworth’s big, broad, sexy body.
Here’s what the movie’s writer-directors John Francis Daley and Jonathan Goldstein had to say about the Hemsworth Big Dick Fiasco of 2015:
“The morning we shot that sequence, we went into another room in the house we were shooting in, and Chris modeled the eight-inch and the ten-inch options for us,” said Daley. The eight-incher was quickly vetoed: “As big as it would seem, it did not look that big on him. I think it was just because Chris is such a big, hulking dude.”
“He makes the normal-size penis look small,” Goldstein concurred.
For reference, a “normal” penis size is 4.7 to 6.3, according to Medical News Today and, you know, personal experience. An eight inch penis isn’t even normal — it’s almost double what “normal” is. And they had to size up from that! Is it hot in here, or is just Chris Hemsworth’s fake dick?
I can’t be sure, but if he makes a normal sized penis look small, Chris has to be dealing with some heavy artillery down there, underneath the mock cock. It’s just the laws of nature. Maybe not a ten-incher, but a girl can dream, can’t she?
So there you have it. Chris Hemsworth makes an eight inch penis look small, while simultaneously making every man on the planet feel inadequate.
BRB, buying tickets to see Chris Hemsworth’s ten inch penis this movie right now..
[via Jezebel]
Image via Featureflash / Shutterstock.com
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Cristina Montemayor
Cristina is a Grandex Writer and Content Manager. She was an intern for over two years before she graduated a semester early to write about college full time, which makes absolutely no sense. She regretfully considers herself a Carrie, but is first and foremost a Rory. She tends to draw strong reactions from people. They are occasionally positive. You can find her in a bar as you're bending down to tie your shoes, drinking Dos XX and drunk crying to Elton John. Email her: [email protected] (not .com).
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