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College Students Are Morons, Don’t Know Shit About Anything

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If there is something that’s been proven time and time again, it’s that Americans are stupid. Sure, we’re the self-appointed greatest country in the world, but with great power, apparently, comes great irresponsibility. Our economy is a joke. The president has a lower approval rating than Lindsay Lohan. We’re in more wars than we can name. College graduates are waiting tables, teenagers are famous for getting pregnant, and no one can seem to figure out the difference between effect and affect.

Studies repeatedly show that our education system is pretty shitty–apparently other countries actually focus on teaching instead of testing. Who knew? Not us, obviously, because we don’t know shit.

Cue: American University students.

This college, located in our nation’s capital, was recently subjected to a poll by a reporter. Standing on the quad, he approached random students and asked them three simple questions:

1. Can you name one United States senator?
2. How many senators are there?
3. What is the name of the song from the movie “Frozen?”

The results, albeit unsurprising, will make you want to bash your empty and useless American brain against your desk that was made in China, assembled in Taiwan, and marketed by a Swedish company. Obviously, no one had any fucking clue about the first two. Some kid guessed that each state had 12 senators. Twelve. This effectively multiplies the existing Senate a cool six times. I would tell you to stay in school, but these kids are in school and they’re still morons. The good news, I suppose, is that they at least are paying attention to pop culture. Every single one of them could talk all the livelong day about Elsa and Anna. Whatever. Take a deep breath and just “Let It Go.” We’re fucked.

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Catie Warren

From Rush To Rehab (@catie__warren) is a semi-fuctioning adult who has been celebrating her 21st birthday for the past three years. She attended college in the nation’s capital and to this day is angry that Pit Bull lied to her, as you cannot, in fact, party on The White House lawn. Prior to her success with TSM, Rehab was most famous for being featured in her hometown newspaper regarding her 5th grade Science Fair Project for which she did not place. In her spare time, she enjoys attributing famous historical quotes to Marilyn Monroe and getting in fights with thirteen year olds on twitter. Email: catie@grandex.co

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