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Countdown To Commencement: Senior Bar Crawl

The End All Be All Senior Year Bucket List

The Senior Bar Crawl is the ultimate reward. You made it through the pledging process years ago, but no one tells you how you have to survive being a part of the actual sorority. The stress of recruitment, Big/Little week, finding dates to formals, and getting everyone to agree on a goddamn t-shirt can really build up over the years. You made it all the way through with only a few close calls with standards. But you’re not the only one. All of the seniors in your chapter are just as excited that they no longer how to scour Goodwill for the perfect costume for theme parties. It’s time to celebrate! Celebrate, and of course, act like a complete animal for the last time.

Not to hype it up too much, but your senior bar crawl is really your last chance to have any fun until maybe your bachelorette party. But even then, married people and your mom could be in attendance. Once you all finally agree on a schedule and a fucking T-SHIRT for the last time, you are in the clear. It is on like standards on your Instagram. Take some cute pictures with your friends before you pop some champagne and turn back into that drunken monster you thought you grew out of.

This is not a marathon NOR a sprint. This is a marathon at a full sprint. Start with a heavy pregame. Then buy one drink at every bar. Then find a whole pizza and eat it as fast as you can. Then go home and puke a bunch. This is what you have been working all of college for. You went out each weekend relentlessly to build up the tolerance to be able to handle this level of acute insanity. Be the corrupted senior that your freshman self would hope you would never become.

Fashion is not important during a bar crawl. This is no time to break out your highest heels and most expensive dress. Besides your matching shirts, everything you wear should be something you don’t mind trashing with beer, dirt, puke, blood, or whatever else you manage to stumble upon. Wear your day drink shoes, put a hair tie around your wrist, and keep your makeup low maintenance. With any luck, it will all be ruined in south of an hour.

The most important thing of the bar crawl is to stick together. Or at least stick with the girls that you like. The schedule is more of a light suggestion. If you don’t want to set foot in the nasty freshman bar you swore off when you turned 21, you don’t have to. I mean, you’ll miss all the fun, but it’s your senior bar crawl. If one girl has to go to the bathroom, every girl has to go to the bathroom. This is a good time for all of you to cry about how you are all going to miss each other and make promises to get together every year before running back to the bar for another shot.

This is the ultimate ladies night. Which means, if you’re gonna be horny, at least be respectable. This is your last chance to be with your girls, but this is also the last chance to black out and forget that you hooked up with your sophomore year lab partner. Encounters with males should take up no more than 15% of the time spent at each bar. It’s math and it’s girl code.

It’s not for beers, it’s for life.

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Ali Hin

A born and raised Jersey girl, she can always be found covered in sand and pizza sauce. Her personal brand is "that girl." She prefers wine in bottles because she thinks outside of the box. Send fan mail to sratbroTSM@gmail.com or by smoke signal.

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