Definitive Ranking Of Shacker Steals


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The Girl Code clearly states that a girl must steal an article of clothing from the person she has slept with. This is what separates “shacker” from “shmuck.” The trophy we call the shack shirt is arguably the best part of a getting down and dirty with someone. Sure, stealing might be a “crime” and returning borrowed clothes might make you a “good person,” but come on. We are all adults here. Sleeping with someone simply does not count unless you have evidence.

I personally have an entire closet dedicated to the articles of clothing swiped from boys that I have accumulated over the years. There is an unspoken rule that we promise to wash their clothes and promptly return them, and then never do. And then the people that we have stolen shit from think it’s okay to bitch and complain and try to get their stuff back. Assholes. We earned them and you better believe we will clutch onto them for dear life. That being said, there are definitely some things I treasure more than others.

7. T-Shirt With Holes

First of all, fuck this guy. The only time it is acceptable for him to hand over this shirt is when it is to his long term girlfriend who already has a collection. But if this is the “prize” you receive within the first couple times of coming over, then he’s a dick, no matter how good his dick is. I guarantee he will “forget” to give you a warning during a blowjob or try to give you a facial. This guy will not stick around longer than a few weeks and while it might sting, it is really a blessing in disguise.

6. Boxers

While boxers are comfortable as fuck, they do not hold much value. He is not handing over his favorite pair and probably will not even notice, let alone care, if you take them. If he is not continuously asking for them back are they even worth taking?

5. Tank Top

I know, I know, this should be higher on the list. Frat boys love their tanks like we love our spirit jerseys, but ask yourself when you’re really going to wear this. Shacker shirts are supposed to comfortable lounge clothes, but wearing shirts that completely expose your boobs are typically frowned upon. Sure it might be cute to wear this *for* him because you’re spilling out of the sides, but no one else wants to see that.

4. T-Shirt

This is what we all expect. T-shirts range from his favorite comfy basic tee to one that proudly displays his letters. These are the sleeping shirts that we love because they’re *so* soft. When you take one of these you wait as long as socially acceptable to wash it because it still smells like the beautiful scent of boy. And you refuse to give that up.

3. Socks

Alright hear me out. I’m not talking about some typical white socks that are worn out. Or those graphic ones with the weed leaves that losers wear to concerts. The socks I am referring to are the hunting socks that are fleeced lined and cozy enough to warm the iciest of toes (and hearts). Score yourself some of these and you will never take them off. 95 degrees out? You don’t give a shit. Your feet are being hugged by angels and you‘ve never been happier.

2. Sweatshirt/Flannel

Girls are obsessed with boys’ sweatshirts, and that obsession is totally justified. It is like being swallowed by a cloud. Plus the smell is good enough to get you pregnant. If you do not fall asleep with your face buried into this every single night than you’re living your life wrong.

1. Formal Button Down

Behold, the crème de la crème. This is the ultimate piece of attire to sneak off with. You will never have a more Serena van der Woodsen moment than waking up in nothing but a formal button down. If this is your outfit than chances are you just had formal. So listen up: this is your time to shine on Instagram. Have your friends take pictures of you candidly gazing out of the hotel window with it loosely hanging off of you. Or curled up in bed with an impressive display of room service breakfast. Maybe you threw up and lost your shoes the night before, but the world does not need to know that. Instead, you look carefree and taken care of, and are therefore the envy of everyone else. And after all, isn’t that the goal anyway?

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Blondie excels at being an underachiever. She is currently trying to add an extra year onto her undergrad so she can continue to down $7 bottles of wine in an environment that encourages her erratic behavior. After graduation, she has big plans to flunk out of a prestigious law school. Email her compliments and Netflix suggestions at

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