Bread and I go way, way back. When our love affair began at the age of 3, it did not stop. I dutifully ate peanut butter sandwiches every day of elementary school. A large portion of my childhood as a picky eater was spent chowing down on the free bread at restaurants and then refusing to order anything on the menu. Oprah really loves bread. God loves bread so much he uses it to make going to church bearable. I loved bread.
That was, until I grew up and became vain and realized that, like all good things in life, bread makes you fat. Since, as an eighth grader, I was already harboring some deep desires to be skinnier and blatant lack of respect for my metabolism (RIP), I kissed my longest and truest relationship goodbye, slipped into some leggings and trudged my way into the rest of my life.
Then that bitch science stepped in, and now, bread is good for you.
Those crazy vegan, whole-food, farm-to-table urban hipsters decided they wanted to improve what I considered a perfect food and now they’re making “artisan” breads with all the nasty things that the internet insists are good for you. Nuts, dried vegetables, full stalks of wheat. Sounds like the worst thing to ever happen, right? Wrong. All that healthy shit is then ground into classy-ass unprocessed stone-milled flour so you can’t taste them, but you can reap all the nutrition benefits.
From Wall Street Journal:
“One huge difference I find is when you’re eating this type of whole food product, freshly milled and long-fermented, it fills you up,” said Mr. Robertson. “I eat bread every day, at a lot of meals, but I don’t eat a ton of it because I’m eating stuff that’s more whole-grain, and it’s satisfying, and you feel it in your body in a different way.”
That’s the dream. When I was a child, my parents had to hide vegetables in spaghetti so I would eat them, and now people are hiding vegetables in bread so I will eat them. It worked when I was ten, so why not now?
It gets better! This bread is so rich in fiber that one baker even claims that he lost 15 pounds in a month by “eating sourdough breads made from wheat pulverized by the 10,000-pound stone mill at his Brooklyn Bread Lab.”
Obviously, this doesn’t apply to all breads. It means you’re going to have to go to a farmers’ market and talk to someone who probably has a beard, ironic tattoos and smokes an actual corn-cob pine. But that’s a small price to pay for bread that makes you lose 15 pounds in a month.
Forget juicing. Forget kale. Forget whatever squash replacement someone told you would be “exactly like regular pasta!” Bread is the new superfood..
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