When I first read the news, I wasn’t sure if I should hate this little girl for stealing my intellectual property, or love her for becoming my ally in the fight against my nemesis, Taylor Swift. Hailie Mathers, daughter of Eminem, has made it her personal mission in life to tell Taylor how much she hates her. The 16-year-old (what?!) took to Twitter to voice her disdain for the 22-year-old “singer,” mainly regarding Swift’s involvement with Harry Styles of One Direction. Styles is the first person to penetrate Swift following her recent breakup from Deerfield Academy senior, Conor Kennedy. Swift, who is obviously becoming quite the cougar, started dating the One Directioner (19) just weeks after her “heart-breaking” split from Kennedy. High school girls everywhere have LOST it.
Apparently, One Direction is similar to the N’Sync/Backstreet Boys phenomenon of our childhood: they have platinum albums, millions of dollars, and billions of teenage girls with crushes on them throughout the world. Hailie is no exception to the multitude of teens who have fallen in love with the British boy band’s front man, and she is LIVID with Taylor Swift for moving in on the object of her (and every other high school sophomore’s) affection.
Mathers took to everyone’s favorite social media outlet, Twitter, to voice her hatred/concerns for Swift:
I love this.
Aside from the fact I feel this girl is wise beyond her teenage years, I think Taylor Swift should actually pay attention to Hailie’s rant. After all, Swift’s target audience is, that’s right, 16-year-old girls. All was fine in the world of Swift when she was writing songs about getting dumped by every guy in Hollywood, but now that she’ll be writing hateful songs about the teenage heartthrobs her fans actually care about, she may have a problem. We all know how it will play out: she’ll pretend to be madly in love with her new, just-out-of-high-school boyfriend, she’ll buy a property near him (oh, she’s already done that) or do something equally insane to make him realize she’s awful, and he’ll break up with her. She’ll spend the next week writing songs about him where she trashes his integrity in an attempt to ruin his life, and then she’ll start screwing someone else, because Taylor Swift is a stage-five clinger whose time in the spotlight needs to end.
I’m just glad I’m not alone in this. After some brief perusing of Hailie’s Twitter account, it’s safe to say she is a good representation of the typical 16-year-old girl. She’s a little too blonde, but that’s acceptable right now, because everyone’s look is a little bit “extra” in high school. She loves to take slutty pictures with her equally slutty friends, she shamelessly exploits her father’s money, and she engages in underage drinking. I like her. I’m hoping that she is also a good representation on her age group’s feelings on good old Swift…because if she is, her time is finally up.
It’s a holiday miracle, ya’ll!