Global warming killed two extinct Franciscan dolphins in Argentina. Wait, I’m sorry, I didn’t mean global warming. I meant dumb humans. Dumb humans killed two nearly extinct Franciscan dolphins in Argentina.
These dolphins were minding their own dolphin business and swam a little too close to the shore, where a bunch of idiots plucked them out of the water like trophy fish and took pictures with it like hillbilly douchebags.
After the incident, the Argentine Wildlife Fund released a public service announcement featuring a picture of the dolphin begrudgingly crowd surfing with a caption that loosely translates to “Stop killing dolphins, you fucking buffoons.”
A spokesperson from the website wrote a warning to beachgoers in Spanish telling them that under NO circumstances should they ever do this.
“Loosely” translated, they wrote something along the lines of “If you had half of a brain, you would realize that holding a dolphin out of water like Simba from the ‘Lion King,’ it will not bode well for its health. I can’t believe I am actually writing this right now, but leave dolphins in the water. Do we really have to say that? That’s where they live. In the water. I don’t care how many Instagram likes you are going to get on a picture of a rare dolphin. They all look the same anyway. Do you think anyone except for me and a couple of my marine biology buddies can really tell the difference between dolphin species? We barely can and that’s our fucking job. If you must take a selfie with a dolphin, go to SeaWorld or something. You people are unbelievable.”
The Argentine Wildlife Foundation estimates there’s only 30,000 Franciscan dolphins left in the wild. Well, make that 29,998 now.
No further comment has been made by the families of the dolphins. Services will be held underwater. .