Fail Friday: Cooch Juice

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Ten real TSM submissions and one video that didn’t seem quite right. Names were omitted to protect the guilty.

Using the time in the tanning bed to rub one out because there are always sisters around at the sratcastle. TSM.
–Washington State

Multi-tasking. I like it.

Offering to give your fratdaddy a handjob so you can admire your freshly manicured nails. TSM.

He doesn’t care about your manicure. Or your hand job.

I only eat bow tie pasta. TSM.

I picture one of those weird families who’s obsessed with Disney, but instead, being obsessed with bows. I also picture you fat due to your all-carb diet. But the jolly kind of fat. Two round faces sitting in front of a small TV trying to pick up a piece of slippery bowtie pasta doused in butter with your chubby fingers to pretend that tiny bow would be appropriate for someone so big. And then you both have a good laugh in hehe’s and hoho’s instead of haha’s. My point is, I prefer penne, because it’s much more delicious, vodka is usually an ingredient, and it doesn’t make me sound like such a try-hard.

Cady Heron failing a class on purpose to get attention from Aaron Samuels. TSM.

Regina George simultaneously getting his attention and showing the new girl who’s in charge without having to repeat a class. TSM.

Going down on any boy that requests it. TSM.

You should only do it if it’s a formal request with a letter of intent.

On my knees for a fratdaddy because he’s in Lilly Pulitzer and Jack Rogers. TSM.
–North Carolina

Sounds like he might rather be on his.

Serving fresh baked cookies and fresh squeezed Cooch Juice. TSM.

I heard Cooch Juice goes better with cupcakes.

Taking a punch like Rihanna. TSM.

Dating Chris Brown. NS.

That feeling you get when you’re vomming in a corner and someone points at you and says “that girl’s throwing up!” Sorry for partying. TSM.

I’m more likely to be the girl pointing it out than the girl vomming. Sorry for judging you.

We call hooking up with three guys in a certain fraternity “receiving the triple crown.” TSM.

I call it “being a slut.”

If I didn’t want to go to EKU before…I definitely don’t now

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  1. PrettyinBows

    Oh dear God. That video. There are just no words. Why was that huge girl in it? If you’re going to autotune it, get a cute girl. And that language! I hope someone sends that to the admissions office at EKU. I’m sure they’d be thrilled their university is being represented as a bunch of smoking, cheating, raging, trashy losers.

    ^ ThisTake a lapReply • 2 years ago
  2. SouthernSrat404

    That Video was so trashy!! someone needs to teach that girl to be a lady. dropping the F word is not cute, it just makes you look ignorant and uneducated. I hope they teach you better than that at EKU.

    ^ ThisTake a lapReply • 2 years ago
  3. AlphaBornAlphaBred

    I would like to point out that this video is not a representation of EKU in any way, shape, or form. It is DEFINITELY not a representation of Greek life, nor is it related to Greek life. Simply put, it is appalling and embarrassing. 

    ^ ThisTake a lapReply • 2 years ago
  4. AnchorSlippers

    I just wonder in what part of their mind did they think it was ok to post that video in the first place. Horrible, sad, and pathetic is what that was.

    ^ ThisTake a lapReply • 2 years ago
    • Frat Blue Ribbon

      Why did think it was ok to talk or video tape themselves doing anything? I cannot stand talking to ugly people, they are literally the most uninteresting people on the planet. When someone fat and ugly starts talking to me, all I can think about is just walking away and pretending they don’t exist.

      ^ ThisTake a lapReply • 2 years ago
    • Scotch_Neat

      The above is categorically one of the most vapid and terrifically stupid things I have ever read. I’ll admit that unattractive people are less appealing to engage because of their unappealing physical features, but to be physically or mentally unable to interact with them will almost surely result in crippled social ability and a a tremendously rude awakening upon entrance to the real world. The position that you have just taken paints the image of somebody so vacuous that it’s almost difficult to comprehend. In life you will meet ugly and overweight people, and you will need to deal with them. My suggestion is that you learn to do so, or you will be met with difficulty at every turn.

      ^ ThisTake a lapReply • 2 years ago

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