Columns

Fail Friday: Hot Girl Problems

Ten real TSM submissions and one video that didn’t seem quite right. Names were omitted to protect the guilty.

Offering to go down on your Big so she’ll like you more than your twin. TSM.
–Alabama

And does she like you more now?

Accidentally said Little instead of his name when I told him I loved him. Oops. TSM.
–Florida

Were his pants on or off when this happened? Because that makes a big difference.

I only poop on my fratdaddy’s chest. TSM.
–Texas

I don’t poop at all.

I put money signs after my daddy’s and fratdaddy’s name in my phone.
–Michigan

As a reminder to answer because you need them for something? Or because you’re a tacky bitch?

Your boyfriend saying that you look “totes presh” when he picks you up is the best compliment
–Arkansas

I bet you can’t wait for him to come out so he can tell you that on all your shopping trips!

Railing the Plan B the morning after. TSM.
–Pennsylvania

I admire your dedication to not getting pregnant as fast as you can, but I think it works just fine if you swallow it. Which you actually should have just done last night and this wouldn’t be an issue.

Some people call me a slut, I prefer the term people pleaser. TSM
–Kentucky

It’s weird, because I still just think you’re a slut.

Using a photo from a CEOs and office hoes themed social as the ‘professional’ photo on your resume. TSM.
–Nebraska

Oh, are you looking to pursue a career in the adult film industry, or are your socials incredibly boring?

I never go down on my fratdaddy but he does it to me all the time. It’s a real problem…for him. TSM.
–Kentucky

To address this problem, first we need to determine if he’s eating because he’s hungry or because he’s bored.

Who needs a great love life when you can have a great sex life instead?
–Ohio

So true. Why spend a night in his arms when you can spend a night on his dick?

I miss Rebecca Black…

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