Fail Friday: It’s Recruitment, Not Rush

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Ten real TSM submissions and one video that didn’t seem quite right. Names were omitted to protect the guilty.

When you’re going to sleep and the guy you’re texting says, “Goodnight my republican srat star.” TSM
–Kentucky

That is the unsexiest thing I’ve ever heard.

Scissoring. TSM
–New York

Let’s all add “finding a girl to have that wild experimental lesbian college experience with” to the top of the list of wrong reasons to go through recruitment.

Shotgun shitting in the frat castle bathroom and then blaming it on the boys. TSM.
–Michigan

I’m not familiar with “shotgun shitting,” but please stop doing it.

Becoming friends with the girl my ex cheated on me with so we can make his life a living hell. TSM.
–Mississippi

The only time in history that this was successful (read: one girl did not get back together with him and make the other feel like a dumbass), was in John Tucker Must Die. At the end of which, John Tucker realized he didn’t even have to be in a relationship to have everyone S his D. One small step for man, one giant mindfuck for womankind.

Being so psycho about my ex-boyfriend that his new girlfriend gets a no contact order. TSM.
–Indiana

Restraining orders are so fetch.

Got knocked up, its not all bad though, at least me and the girls now have fresh milk and cottage cheese everyday. TSM.
–Michigan

There are fraternity basements with pledges who have had to do hard, physical labor and then been locked inside of them for three days without a shower that are less disgusting than what you’ve just said.

New showerheads were installed at the sratcastle and everyone mysteeeeriously taking a lot longer to get ready. TSM.
–Wisconsin

Wisconsin brings new meaning to the term “mutual masturbation.”

Having sex in the ocean and waving to the families on the shore. TSM
–Maryland

Ocean City really is fun for the whole family.

Finding out your boyfriend cheated on you, and then feeding chocolate to his dog, and filming him crying when it dies. Hahahah fuck you Tommy!!!!!!!!!!! TSM.
–Alabama

I’m sorry about your dog, Tommy. And I am, in fact, referring to your girlfriend.

Trying to actually draw blood while you bite his neck. That’s what he gets for being Team Edward. Real men don’t glitter they growl. TSM.
–Tennessee

Real men aren’t mythical creatures.

I hope you were hazed

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    • redpen26

      ^ Look, all I know is this morning I heard she was dead. I don’t know when/how it happened, but I’m pretty sure it did. One of her friends told me.

      ^ ThisTake a lapReply • 2 years ago
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    • redpen26

      ^ Ok, well I just thought everyone on here should know that she committed suicide. I heard it was a few days ago, however it could of been yesterday or something. The point is, you never know what’s going on in someone’s life, and the way she was treated on here probably did have something to do with it, even if she acted like it didnt effect her. then again, youre right, it might just be a rumor. i havent seen her since graduation. that’s just what i heard.

      ^ ThisTake a lapReply • 2 years ago
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    • AlphaLovesRubies

      That girl is so trashy. If she hated recruitment so much then she shouldn’t pledge because she’s going to be part of the process. Talk about being a hypocrite. I hope they drop her.

      ^ ThisTake a lapReply • 2 years ago
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    • JParksCaldwell1855

      ^ If that’s true (and I have no reason to doubt you; hell, I’m all for population control. There’s too many mouths to feed as it is), it’s pretty impressive that she’s been sending tweets from the grave from the twitter account listed on her youtube page.

      I wonder how the WiFi connection is in hell. If I ever got a psychic, I’d totally have him summon Ghandi so I could ask him that question. That, and what’s the deal with Hindus and cows. I wonder if they worship Rosanne Barr.

      ^ ThisTake a lapReply • 2 years ago
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    • JParksCaldwell1855

      That was awfully nice and caring of them. I wonder how they were able to obtain her password. Maybe they had a super close relationship that was very open. Or maybe she asked them from the flaming bowels of the earth to protect her tweets via Instant Messaging. I used to love AIM. As a kid, it was very easy to go on their adult chatrooms and get nudey pics. Granted most of the time, I was probably talking to 50 year old men pretending to be women. Hey, what doesn’t rape us only makes our anuses stronger.

      The funny thing about protected tweets is that, even if you make your account private,
      1) it doesn’t affect people who already follow that person (lucky me)
      2) even if you don’t already follow a protected person’s account, their tweets still show up in a search que. See, protection never has a 100% success rate. That’s why I don’t wear condoms.

      ^ ThisTake a lapReply • 2 years ago
      1
    • Poor Tri Delt. Everybody makes mistakes. I don’t think they dropped her.

      ^ ThisTake a lapReply • 2 years ago
      -1
    • shelbyxtaylor

      Not dead. Still alive. Not faking my own death. Girl from my old high school told me to hide my tweets because “people from our old school were making fun of me.” Should have just not given a fuck. Instead I protected my tweets. This is over. This whole situation is super over. Don’t want to bring it back in any way, shape, or form. Gonna slap a bitch. PEACE.

      ^ ThisTake a lapReply • 2 years ago
      -1
    • JParksCaldwell1855

      It’s pretty crazy; since the time I wrote that, her account has become protected. Apparently, hell’s WiFi signal is better than the one I had in my fraternity house. Our WiFi signal was always the worst around 1:00AM. That much traffic made watching RedTube a real pain in the ass. You have no idea how frustrating it is trying to jack off to fetish Japanese eel porn when the video stops to buffer every 90 seconds. If I were an eel, I’d be afraid to go near a microwave.

      -The guy who she quoted who stuck up for her and said “women are insane” at the end of her video.

      ^ ThisTake a lapReply • 2 years ago
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    • JParksCaldwell1855

      You should probably confirm your sources before you obsessively write 10 times throughout a website on articles that have not been read by anyone in over a month that someone has taken their own life. You would make a poor journalist, but there is real potential for you on cable news, which thrives in sensationalism, slander, and spicy salami sandwiches. I realize that the inclusion of spiced meats might not make a whole lot of sense, but I’m a big fan of alliteration. I hope you don’t mind.

      ^ ThisTake a lapReply • 2 years ago
      -5
  1. BamaForRomney

    Me, unnecessarily making jokes at Hawtpiece’s expense for months on end, thereby making a nice girl look bad on the TFM website. TFailBamaForRomneyM.

    ^ ThisTake a lapReply • 2 years ago
    5
  2. Man

    I’ve got to hand it to her though, sticking with this all the way. she’s got balls. I can see why the guys would be “cool” with the guys and I’m a Man, I should know.

    ^ ThisTake a lapReply • 2 years ago
    3

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