Fail Friday: Sorostitute


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Nice Move

Ten real TSM submissions and one video that didn’t seem quite right. Names were omitted to protect the guilty.

Completed shacking at each frat house and earned major panhellinic points. TSM.

Do they put that in the recruitment brochure?

Thanking each person who posts happy birthday on your Facebook wall individually. TSM.

Sounds like you had a really fun birthday.

When your graduated big comes back and talks about how much she masturbates now that she’s living at home and your only response is “she’s baaaaaaack.” TSM.

What a good role model.

Tossing salads and tossing salads. TSM.

You really do it all, don’t you?

I’m slam 1, because every time he cheats on his girlfriends, he cheats with me. TSM.

Totes his favorite mistress.

Ideas on killing myself from being away from my sisters this summer. TSM.

Why don’t you try one out! Good luck!

Having to steal your shack shirts back from your Daddy’s closet after your Mom does laundry because your Daddy and Frat-Daddy have the same impeccable taste. TSM.
–New Mexico

Girls with the Daddy Issues that make them want to bang their dad are way more interesting to me than the girls whose Daddy Issues mean they want to bang everyone.

Yelling YOLO While I lose my virginity in a fraternity bathroom. TSM.

You have officially ensured that the first time you had sex will also be the last.

Not being able to remember the last time you had a sober first kiss with a guy. TSM

There was either a locker behind you or a PG-13 movie in front of you. You can do this. You can remember.

When your friends and family keep a calendar of your periods because your PMS bitchfits are just THAT intolerable and they need to know when it’s coming.

Well, you should seek therapy. Also, I hope you’re extremely beautiful.

No sorority girl would wear hoop earrings.



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  1. 7
    TSM Intern

    PSA: No TSM fail pictures was a decision made by my higher-ups for fear of suicidal 19 year-old sorority girls on TFM’s hands. Also, distinguishing between actual fails and pictures of girls who are just…ugly was becoming an issue. It’s not because I’m too lazy or doing my job incorrectly. We will re-evaluate soon. I am for them. Let’s put this to rest, if they come back they come back, for now, they won’t.

    ^ ThisBless your heartReply • 4 years ago
    • -6
      Joran van der Frat

      1) 19 year old girls don’t actually commit suicide, they merely *attempt* suicide because they are attention whores. 80% of all actual suicides are by men because even the biggest losers among our gender still know how to complete a task without fucking it up like women always do.
      2) If you’re that worried about driving impressionable young ladies to black-ball themselves from life, you could simply put a TSM sticker over their faces to hide their identity. Takes about 5 seconds in MS paint.
      3) Turkey, lettuce, tomato, mustard, wheat.

      ^ ThisBless your heartReply • 4 years ago
    • -9

      Then say that 3 months ago so were not angry all this time. And write columns. I’ve said it before, you’re the only funny one on the TSM staff. #oh and my weiner needs tending to

      ^ ThisBless your heartReply • 4 years ago

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