If you go to a foam party, you will get pregnant and die. Well, maybe not, but you can catch a pretty nasty eye infection and potentially go partially blind. But actually.
College foam parties are incredible, because no one can see what you’re doing in the foam (or so you imagine). Plus, a foam DFMO feels downright tropical, which can be a welcome escape in the dead of winter. Before attending Fiji Foam, one of my sister’s Googled whether or not you could catch an STD from the foam alone. You can’t. While she may have been overthinking things, it wasn’t by a long shot, because the foam is, evidently, disease-ridden (and you just know the people who frequent foam parties at nightclubs have all of the diseases. All of them).
Instead of rocking a teeny bikini, it might behove you to go as a pirate with double eye patches to your next foam party. After a particularly raucous foam fiesta in Florida (of course), 40 people had to go to the emergency room to deal with conjunctivitis (pink eye) and worse. Some were experiencing “decreased visual acuity,” i.e. slowly going blind from poison bubbles at a party. Others had “abrasions of the cornea.” While I’m no doctor, that sounds pretty bad, even worse than pink eye, which is downright disgusting to look at. If you have pink eye, you should honestly just stay home with your crusty self anyway. It’s not like you’ll look good in pictures.
The folks who caught these diseases had to see the doctor an average of three times, because many weren’t able to open their eyes at all after spending time at the dirty nightclub. The symptoms then lasted for an average of a week, although some people dealt with them for a month or more. This makes all of my party injuries seem insignificant, since I can still see. Luckily, these infectious diseases seem limited to this Naples nightclub foam, so feel free to DFMO in dirty foam — but wear scuba goggles, even if they clash with your outfit.