“Do it, I dare you.”
I glanced at my best friend. She was a year younger than me, pretty, and a little more than a little drunk. We were in my boyfriend’s room, drinking Bacardi Dragon Berry (total high school move) and begging for attention. A giggle nervously escaped my mouth as I decided what to do. It was one of those “this might change your life moments.” I was looking at a cliff, and if I jumped, I didn’t know what would happen. Would I hate it? Would I be gay? Is this wrong? What if it’s right? I knew it was now or possibly never. Say no and wonder, or say yes and jump. As I was debating, she shot me an “I’m down” look. Shit. I took another swig of rum and hesitantly shook my head “yes.” I swallowed back my fear, shushed the voice in my head that was telling me this wasn’t right, and leaned forward.
As I planted my lips on hers I heard the guy watching gasp in excitement. I grabbed her hair and kissed her harder, making him squirm even more. It felt wrong, and good, and dangerous, and fun. I was kissing a girl for the first time, and it was a fucking rush.
The first time I ever did it, I was seventeen years old. My boyfriend and his shitty friends would buy alcohol with their older brothers’ IDs and we would get high school drunk. You know, where you would drink four shots, tell yourself that you were soOooOOoOOo wasted, and then throw up the entire next morning at brunch with your family. Classic shit. As for the kiss – I’m not sure what led me to do it (other than shitty liquor and a sexually charged game of truth or dare). All I know is that I never regretted it. If anything, I loved it.
Maybe it was the way that the boys responded, or the fact she had soft, knowledgable, lips. Either way, it didn’t stop for me. As I graduated high school and moved on to college, I kept kissing girls. When I was at bars or parties and boys would do the classic eyebrow raise, I wouldn’t hesitate. I always leaned forward to kiss whatever attractive girl was wanting to kiss me back. I’m not sure if it was for the kiss or for the attention but either way, I always leaned forward to the experience.
But the thing is, I’m not gay.
Don’t get me wrong, being gay is perfectly normal. Women are dating women, and men are marrying men and the world is becoming a more loving, beautiful place. It’s fabulous and revolutionary and wonderful, but it’s also not me. I’m a straight female, with a boyfriend, who doesn’t really want to “be” with a woman. That being said, for the longest time I would kiss girls when I went out. Naturally my boyfriends were always the ones egging me on, but it was never weird to me. Did that make me gay? Or bi? Or just very Katy Perry-esque?
None of the above. Not really. Despite sounding like the cheesiest cliché around, it just makes me who I am. And until recently, I didn’t really think about it. I like guys and I’m attracted to guys, but I’ve kissed a few girls too. Whatever. Sexuality is weird. In this society (and most), it’s a strange topic that we either try to avoid or label. “You like boys, you’re straight” or “You like girls, you’re gay.” But the thing is, it’s not that cut and dry. How are billions of people supposed to fit into one of two categories? They can’t. And ever since Ruby Rose came into the picture, a lot more people are starting to realize that.
In case you’re behind, Ruby Rose is the newest star of the Netflix series Orange is the New Black. While she identifies as “gender fluid,” she still prefers female pronouns. And honestly, there is just something about her. Sure, she’s beautiful, smart, and has an accent to die for. But why are all of us “straight” ladies suddenly wondering, “Am I gay because I totally want to hook up with her?”
Because sexuality is weird AF, that’s why.
Thanks to the Kinsey Scale, however, it kind of makes sense. Stay with me. The scale was created in 1948 (by a Dr. Kinsey, obviously) and it literally measures your sexuality. When it comes down to it, there isn’t just gay, straight, or bi. You can fall anywhere on the scale. We used to think that you had to be one way or the other, but that’s not true. Can you love dating guys but like kissing girls? Yes. Can you hookup with girls but fall in love with a guy? Sure. Can you watch lesbian porn and be straight? Can you hate porn and be gay? Can you out of nowhere find yourself completely attracted to this random girl from a television show? Yes, yes, and hell freaking yes.
We’ve heard it a million times, though. The whole “be true to yourself” speech. But what if you don’t know who that person is? Thanks to this scale, changes in perspective, and brave people fighting the good fight, you now have the ability to find out. Take the test. Find out where you stand, then stop putting a permanent label on yourself.
Life is too short not to kiss who you want and love whoever feels right. Take a page out of our #WCW Ruby’s book and be whoever the fuck you want to be. We can be attracted to anyone, no matter what we label ourselves. So stop worrying so much about what it means. Lean forward. Say yes. Get out of your head and experience life with beautiful people. At the end of the day, no one cares if you’re “mostly straight but sometimes homosexual.” All they care about is that you’re happy. Isn’t it time to be that, no matter where it is on the scale?
Take the Kinsey test here and find out who you are..
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Rachel Varina
(yeahokaywhat) Aspiring to be the next Tina Fey, Rachel spends her free time doing nothing to reach that goal. While judging people based on how they use "they're" vs. "there" on social media, she likes eating buffalo chicken dip, watching other people's Netflix, and wearing sweatpants way more than is socially acceptable.
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