I’m a gross human. I really am. My clothes are everywhere, I shower less than I say I do (and don’t even get me started about how often I wash my hair), and I think the last time I made my bed was in 2010. It’s not that I want to be a repulsive piece of trash, it’s just that I’m too lazy and bitchy to care. And if not liking to bathe wasn’t bad enough, don’t even get me started on shaving. It was bad enough when I was in 7th grade and fell for the whole “you don’t have to shave above your knees because no one can see it” trick. Yes, people can see the hair, but it’s just a way to trick us into being virgins for awhile. So one I started shaving above the knee, and then wayyyy above the knee, I started realizing how annoying, time-consuming, and torturous shaving is.
It’s expensive. It takes forever. You have to keep doing it. And every time you take those razor-sharp knives to your body you’re risking slicing off a good portion of your vagina. So, much to my poor boyfriend’s dismay, I shave as infrequently as possible. Unless there’s an event or a reason for me to show anything above the ankles, I let my hair grow to an almost jungle before hating myself so much that I spend two hours shaving every piece of hair that is on my body. And those days when I actually do shave and come out of the shower feeling like a MF-ing goddess, you better believe I’ma get me some.
One girl felt the same way when she had a date with her boyfriend (or sort-of-boyfriend or the guy she pretends is her boyfriend). She found out he was coming over, realized that she might be confused for a literal monkey because she was so hairy, and headed into the shower to waste hours of her life getting rid of hair. And then? The fucker bailed on her. So, naturally, she posted the conversation on Imgur for the world to see.
If that isn’t the saddest, funniest, most relatable thing in the world, the comments are sure to warm your cold, prickly heart.
- “Well, now she’ll have plenty of time to charge her phone.”
Trust me, considering the amount of social media stalking she’s doing to find out what the jerk is up to, she’ll need a full battery.
- “Makes me wonder if any woman ever shaved her legs just for me.”
Finally, someone thinking about the importing things in life.
- “Don’t buy that robe. I have that robe. My husband wears it. I have another robe like it. We never take the robes off. EVER.”
Well now I don’t just want the robe, I *need* the robe.
- “Babe has missed out on guaranteed sex.”
Babe done fucked up.
- “You can see the crazy in her eyes. Like “burn your house down” crazy.”
The classic look of a girl who shaved her vag lips for nothing.
- “What’s exfoliating?”
Bless your GD heart.
- “The dude is a deuce. You don’t leave a girl moisturized.”
YOU DON’T LEAVE A GIRL MOISTURIZED! GOD!
- “The sad realisation that This is the reason I started waxing. Dated to many flakey douches and got sick of the wasted time.”
So sad. So beautiful. So painful.
Now he just needs some pink carnations and a Post-It note..
Image via Shutterstock