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Google Glass Just Got WAY Creepier

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You know those douchenozzles who wear sunglasses to the bar? Imagine them wearing Google Glass, instead, because it’s about to become a reality. I know 2014 is basically the future, but this is too far. Plus, until we have Starbucks delivery and Clueless closets, technology has failed us all.

A new app will allow strangers to find out literally everything about you just by looking at your face, and not because you have really expressive features. This app is called NameTag, and it sounds even weirder than the Boyfriend Tracker that serves as a Marauder’s Map for your hookups.

This app will use real-time facial recognition software, which means that the Google Glass will take your picture, compare it to records, and within seconds return a match. The match will provide the creeper in question with your name, pictures, and all your social media profiles. The information could even include your criminal past, if you have one. According to the demo, “CRIMINAL HISTORY FOUND” will pop up in bright red letters, so I can only hope you’ve never been arrested. Honestly, I hope more (for your sake) that you’re not about to hook up with someone wearing Google Glass.

This is creepy on so many levels. All of them, really. The worst is that it involves wearing Google Glass at a bar. Think of all the gentleman you’ve graciously accepted drinks from, only to bounce once you ingested said vodka. Now they can find and follow you. Get ready for a lot of awkward Facebook friend requests — “I saw you from across the bar. I was the one in Google Glass, you were the one with the criminal record.” Luckily, if you’re not trying to be stalked by randos, you can go to FacialNetwork.com and opt-out. Unfortunately, this app is so creepy that you’re immediately signed up, so you need to opt-out, not in. Let’s be real here — if an app is creepy enough to make sorority girl stalkers uncomfortable, it’s too much.

So, ladies, how could we use this for our benefit? Imagine how amazing it would be to know if a guy was single just by looking at him. But then imagine going to a bar wearing Google Glass. In that case, the pro does not outweigh the con of a little conversation.

Despite the creepiness of an app that allows strangers to stalk you, its creators claim that it’s about connecting people. They say they’re going to give people separate profiles for day and night. How awkward would it be for your professor to see your unseemly tweets, that Facebook picture of you chugging vodka on top of the bar, or your Tinder profile? Actually, your professor seeing your social media at all seems uncalled for, whether it’s Instagram or LinkedIn.

While technology has given us the ability to creep on unsuspecting people, this makes it glaringly obvious, which is just uncalled for. Everyone knows that social media stalking is best saved for a hungover activity the next day, where you realize that a couple shots in, almost any guy can start to resemble Ryan Gosling. If we start stalking each other on social media in real time, what will our hungover brunch consist of?

[via E! Online]

Image via Google Glass Apps

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Fleur de Lilly

Fleur de Lilly (@margaretabrams) is a contributing writer for Total Sorority Move and Post Grad Problems. When she's not corrupting her big's baby, she can be found decoding texts, gravitating towards raised surfaces, and spending time with her gentleman caller, Jack Daniels. She loves Lilly, Louisiana, and her lineage.

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