Once upon a time, Adam had a delicate ego. He thought that Eve was getting just a liiitle too big for her fig leaf, and Adam decided that it wasn’t going to fly. He made Eve mad, and she let him know. Eve stopped giving Adam the time of day, and started praying for a new man to take his place. Adam didn’t have much experience with emotions, so he began to tell all of the woodland creatures that he could find that Eve was crazy. Word began to spread, and no matter how many cuckoo-bananas things that Adam did, no one ever believed that he was as nutty as Eve.
Fast forward to the twenty-first century, when Adam’s proclamation of Eve’s crazy has spread far and wide. Earlier this week, I was talking to some friends about crazy things that guys had done to us. And believe me, there was no shortage. One guy wanted my friend to stay over, and when she didn’t answer his text, he broke into our house. Upon finding her room locked, he took a nap on our living room couch. Classic. Another guy broke into a fraternity house looking for a girl who had disappeared inside a few minutes earlier. Totally normal. A third guy took a girl to his fraternity’s sleeping porch, presumably to hook up, only to whip out a bible and read her a few select verses, because she needed Jesus in her life. And who doesn’t have a story about a guy calling and texting over fifty times in a night because he heard that you were at a different fraternity’s party? Oh, just us? And you’ve never had another guy attempt to kidnap your formal date, either? Huh. Overall, I have to admit that my all-time favorite crazy dude was the one who lied about having been hit by a car because he didn’t think that the girl he liked had been paying enough attention to him.
I know that girls are capable of some really crazy stuff, believe me. I’ve seen it firsthand and been guilty of it myself. I know a girl who didn’t want to hang out with a guy, but felt bad about declining his invitation, so she told him she was going on vacation to Hawaii. When he saw her at school on Monday (something she hadn’t taken into consideration), she said that she had flown over “just for the weekend.” This is not a defense of girl psychosis. All I’m saying is that dudes hardly ever get any heat for acting like nut jobs, even when they can be guiltier than their fairer counterparts. Why is it that girls get the crazy stereotype when dudes are just as culpable of acting insane? I have a theory.
Somehow, guys continually manage to be both massive gossips as well as the most tight-lipped people in existence. It’s all about selectivity. When someone else is in the wrong, a guy’s whole fraternity, intramural team, and major will know about it within an hour. If a girl ever does something worthy of a double take, you can bet your ass that a dude has let it be known in at least one male-dominated group text before she’s even had time to blink. Guys have no problem putting a girl on blast, and are met with immediate backup from their buddies.
However, when a dude does something bordering on bananas territory, not a peep is heard. His boys would die before they let you know that even though he “doesn’t care,” he saw you talking to another guy and punched a hole in the wall, or that he made his friends drive him to your house so that he could climb into a tree in an attempt to talk to you. And, like, Romeo up and killed himself when he thought that Juliet was dead- forget taking a trip to crazy town, that dude was the mayor!
Love makes people do crazy things, but so does alcohol. And stupidity. Actually, there are a ton of reasons why people act irrationally, and straight up cuckoo behavior isn’t just limited to those with an extra X chromosome. So the next time that a dude calls you the C-word, take comfort that somewhere in this great wide world, there is a girl calling him the exact same thing. Thanks a-fucking-lot, Adam!.