Guys Tell All: Biggest Turn-ons


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Nice Move

Guys Tell All

If you’re the kind of girl who says you don’t care what guys think about you, you’re probably a liar. You do care. You’re trying to attract at least one of them in the long run, so it’s helpful to at least know, you know, what they’re attracted to. Blah, blah, blah, you don’t have to change for a dude. That’s not what I’m suggesting. I’m just trying to enlighten. This is what they like.

The appreciation of just doing nothing. We don’t need to go to the pumpkin patch. We don’t need to have a cute photo on your Instagram every day. Sometimes, we just need to step back, lay our lazy asses in bed all day, eat some pizza, and call it a success. If we can get along with any outside stimulus, you know it’s real.

-Joe Nullet

Being self-aware.

-D. Carter Ruff

The biggest turn-on for me is intelligence. And this doesn’t necessarily pertain to one’s GPA. While educationally she might not be a straight A student, she might excel in other areas of intelligence. When I’m attracted to a girl, it’s because I am able to hold a conversation with her. Not me dominating the conversation or her trying to act like she knows what she’s talking about. When that happens, I have to force myself not to correct her. Nothing can make a girl more attractive than smarts. Despite the stereotype that all guys go for bimbos, we really do want someone, who at the end of the day, we can sit down and have a conversation with before getting into the sex. Not just a body with no brain.

-Harrison Lee

Someone that doesn’t put all the relationship “work” on the guy. You can make a move, you can make a date, you can plan things out, and you’re probably better than me at all 3 of those things.

-Jake Goldman

Skilled parallel parking. So hot.

-Micah Wiener

Lululemon, ponytails, being a genuinely nice person, being easy-going, being at least mildly self-sufficient, being athletically coordinated, being able to drink a lot.

-Jared Borislow

When she speaks another language.

-Dan Regester

Casualness. If a girl is casual in nature, it makes me feel like she’s comfortable with who she is. If she’s acting hyper or neurotic or depressed, it doesn’t allow me to feel at ease around her because she’s not at ease with herself. Sure, personalities differ but when someone comes off as genuine, the casual comes through.

-Will deFries

I’ll just go ahead and assume you mean turns ons other than physical attributes and say a sense of humor is my biggest. You have to be able to laugh at my jokes or my self-esteem will be too low for me to love myself, and if you don’t love yourself you can’t love someone else.

-W.R. Bolen

Aside from the obvious (physically attractive), I like a girl who is naturally funny. Like she makes me laugh without trying too hard. It just comes. Part of her natural charm. Oh, and she has to appreciate and deliver off-color humor. If she doesn’t, 80% of what I have to say will go to waste. Also, I get turned on when a girl has a really great body/physical sex appeal but doesn’t need to put it on display. All part of that “lady in the streets, freak in the sheets” thing. Oh shit yeah.

-Dillon Cheverere

I have a weird thing for glasses. Dark, thick rimmed glasses. I doubt it’s because I lost my virginity on my childhood “Where’s Waldo?” sheets but I’m also not ruling it out.

-Rob Fox

It’s as bad as a girl (like me) with a fake tan, fake eyelashes, and fake hair could possibly fear. The closest thing to a trend here is that guys want a girl who’s beautiful, and charming, and perfect without trying. “Sweatpants, hair tied, chilling with no makeup on. That’s when you’re the prettiest.” That’s the thought here, but the truth is, they mean “Yoga pants. Straightened ponytail. Chilling with under eye concealer, bronzer, blush, and just a touch of mascara on.” I suppose, what they don’t know can’t hurt them, but the games continue. Le sigh.

At least my expectations for them are just as unrealistic. Plus, I’ve been known to make a joke or two.

To read Guys Tell All: Why They Like You But Won’t Date You, click here.

Veronica (@VeronicaRuckh) is the Director of Total Sorority Move for Grandex, Inc. After having spent her undergraduate years drinking $4 double LITs on a patio and drunk texting away potential suitors, she managed to graduate with an impressive GPA and an unimpressive engagement ring -- so unimpressive, in fact, some might say it's not there at all. Veronica has since been fulfilling her duties as "America's big," a title she gave to herself with the help of her giant ego. She has recently switched from vodka to wine on weekdays. Email her at

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