Guys Tell-All: Worst Heartbreaks


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It’s hard to remember, sometimes, that guys are sentient beings. In a world of hookups and fckboys, you begin to genuinely believe that some of them are immune to human emotion. But even the guys who seem so cool and perfect can feel heartbreak and be completely wrecked over someone, even if it’s hard to get them to talk about it. Which it kind of was.

I’ve never been totally wrecked over a girl, but I’ve had a couple let downs. I was younger and was too available. Not so much “what are we” but coming across as too eager, nonetheless. What I was more wrecked over was letting myself get into that headspace and kicking myself over how I could even get there in the first place.

-Jake Goldman

Seventh grade. Kelsey. My first love. One day, on her AIM buddy profile, she put a small <3 Cody Stevens at the bottom of the page. Within a week, the <3 Cody Stevens took up the whole page and <3 Buscemi was pushed to the bottom in small letters. I was crushed.

This dime from one of the Fanta commercials. Never got her name.

-D. Carter Ruff

I left the state and came here. If we were still together I would not be in Texas. 2+ years together, 4+ years as friends. Beautiful, intelligent, funny, the whole package. Just before we were about to move in together she called it off. Devastating. Lost one of my best friends.

-Dan Regester

I thought she was my first love but was just too young to realize that it was simply my first long-term relationship, which is completely different. She dumped me out of the blue because we were both immature. She was too immature to have a long term relationship, I was too immature to understand what was really going on.

-Will deFries

She had gorgeous eyes, a gorgeous smile, was fun, and we got along incredibly. I need to go drink like thirty fucking beers now. Someone take my phone.

-Rob Fox

Okay, so not the emotional breakdowns I was hoping for, but it’s good to know that guys care.

To read last week’s Guys Tell All: Biggest Turn-ons, click here.

Veronica (@VeronicaRuckh) is the Director of Total Sorority Move for Grandex, Inc. After having spent her undergraduate years drinking $4 double LITs on a patio and drunk texting away potential suitors, she managed to graduate with an impressive GPA and an unimpressive engagement ring -- so unimpressive, in fact, some might say it's not there at all. Veronica has since been fulfilling her duties as "America's big," a title she gave to herself with the help of her giant ego. She has recently switched from vodka to wine on weekdays. Email her at

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