43 Signs Romance Lowkey Freaks You Out


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Nice Move

Guy and girl shotgunning beer formal

  1. The thought of going on a date instantly makes your palms sweaty.
  2. What will you talk about?
  3. Who’s going to pay for stuff?
  4. What do you do with your hands?
  5. And if it’s a dinner date, forget it.
  6. The thought of sitting across from someone for over an hour while shoveling food in your mouth and praying he doesn’t eat the last breadstick is your own personal hell.
  7. You’ve never been one for #MCMs or #WCWs.
  8. And every time you see one, you can’t help but roll your eyes before tossing it in a group chat.
  9. You. Are not. A cuddler.
  10. And whenever a guy puts his arm around you, you immediately get self-conscious.
  11. And let’s not even get started on body heat.
  12. You’ve never gotten flowers after a fight.
  13. And if you have gotten flowers after a fight, you wondered why he didn’t just get you a pizza instead.
  14. Because yes. You prefer pizza to flowers. Every damn time.
  15. Intense eye contact is something you don’t really want.
  16. Not during sex.
  17. Not during dinner.
  18. Not during discussions about your life or why you always cry during dog videos. It’s just not for you.
  19. You really only date guys you were friends with first.
  20. And once you’re dating you still just seem like friends.
  21. You know. Friends who rub genitals sometimes, but whatever.
  22. The thought of watching a romantic comedy with a guy makes you want to pass out.
  23. You’d rather spend anniversaries on the couch, eating takeout, sitting a few feet apart than actually doing something.
  24. Actually, you’d rather spend most nights on the couch, eating takeout, sitting a few feet apart than actually doing something.
  25. Your friends never complain about how they feel like a third wheel with you.
  26. Mostly because the idea of PDAing all over the place makes your skin crawl.
  27. You don’t exactly *do* pet names.
  28. No. Seriously. And I can guarantee no one has ever called you “sweetheart.”
  29. You have almost no desire to be picked up by a horse and carriage and taken to a ball.
  30. Maybe picked up in his strangely-clean car and taken to the movies with a purse full of wine and Cheetos. But that’s just you.
  31. If you’re not walking down the street holding hands, it’s probably because the thought didn’t even occur to you.
  32. You like chocolate and champagne because it’s chocolate and champagne, not because it’s romantic.
  33. Sweet text messages make you uncomfortable and suspicious.
  34. And randomly getting an “I love you” from him instantly makes you think he’s flirting with another girl.
  35. Why would he randomly say “I love you?”
  36. What’s he playing at?
  37. WHO IS SHE?!?!
  38. Talk of marriage, babies, and dream weddings make your eyes glaze over juuuust a little bit.
  39. I mean sure, you have a wedding Pinterest board. But most of it is just funny cake toppers and awesome dessert options.
  40. When someone uses the term “making love,” your lady boner instantly disappears.
  41. Because for you, sex is sex. It feels good. It’s fun.
  42. But you don’t need candles and some Nicholas Sparks to appreciate it.
  43. You just want a guy who makes you laugh, makes you orgasm, makes you a grilled cheese when you’re hungover, and then leaves you the fuck alone. Is that too much to ask?

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(yeahokaywhat) Aspiring to be the next Tina Fey, Rachel spends her free time doing nothing to reach that goal. While judging people based on how they use "they're" vs. "there" on social media, she likes eating buffalo chicken dip, watching other people's Netflix, and wearing sweatpants way more than is socially acceptable. Hate mail and puppy videos can be sent to: rachel@grandex.co

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