If you didn’t hate Kylie Jenner yet, you’re about to. In a recent interview with In Style, she said the one phrase that instantly makes you hate any hot girl.
“I don’t work out.”
Sure, if you’re a normal, average-looking person it’s no big deal. You don’t work out? Cool, me neither. Let’s go eat our weight in Cadbury eggs and talk about how we’re going to die alone. But when a hot friend says “I don’t work out” it’s not okay. It’s anything but okay.
From In Style:
I haven’t worked out in two and a half years. I’m living out my youth not doing any exercise and eating what I want, which is pretty bad. I’m into yellow rice – you just cook it for 15 minutes, it tastes so good.
Apparently some things do taste as good as skinny feels. Except she gets to eat the yellow rice and be skinny. It just makes you wonder, how the hell does she manage to look hot as actual fuck then? If she’s sitting at home watching Netflix and eating carbs (our lives), how does she post swimsuit photos to Instagram? It didn’t make any sense. I mean, okay, she has that 17-year-old metabolism, but still. No one looks like that when they’re seventeen. So after reading her interview, I started doing some digging. I decided to compile some of Kylie’s known beauty tips so that maybe we too can eat boxed rice and sit on our asses while money just lands in our bank accounts.
- Don’t work out, like ever.
- And just eat a shit ton of yellow rice.
- And Subway.
- And doughnuts.
- Your regular lashes aren’t good enough. Go to CVS and buy lashes.
- But if you’re going rock your natural lashes, have Kardashian-Jenner lashes.
- Use sunscreen (LOL).
- Lip liner will change your life (so will lip injections, but whatever works in your budget).
- Contour or GTFO.
- Make sure to moisturize after traveling, because private jets really dry the skin out.
- Dragon serum works best for those ashy, unbecoming elbows.
- How to take a perfect selfie: filter filter filter.
- Never paint your own nails. What are you? A peasant?
- But if the salon is full, you can totally paint your dog’s nails. Pretty dog = pretty person.
- Spray tan hard and spay tan often.
- Have a ton of money and pay people to make you gorg.
So basically, we’re all screwed. If we want to look like the girl who all of our boyfriends follow on Instagram, I guess we’ll have to put down the rice and pick up the free weights. Enjoy your youth and carbs, Ky. We’ll just be at the gym, eating kale and hating life..