My friends in relationships know not to come to me for advice with their boy problems because eleven times out of ten it will result in a response of “break up,” or “don’t get back together.” Now before you jump down my throat and accuse me of being bitter for not having a boyfriend, I think many would agree that not every young adult girl wants to be in a serious relationship. Some rather relish in their likely peak-attractiveness and just. have. fun.
At this point in my life, as an early-twenty-something, I do see one glaring perk of having a significant other: consistent and familiar sex.
Ignoring Flirting with every guy at the bar can be fun, but there is definitely something to be said for a reliable bang that won’t disappoint you. And for that reason, I have become a self-proclaimed expert of the mythical casual relationship. While every situation is different, I have noticed some patterns in my personal research and case studies. The conclusion: it is entirely possible to have your dick and eat it too.
Check Your Feelings At The Door
Let me remind you, this is a casual relationship. If you are going into this thinking you can trick the guy into falling in love with you, this arrangement already is not for you. You are not Mila Kunis and Ashton Kutcher. This will not end in the two of you falling madly in love with each other. No feelings are allowed to be involved in this journey you are about to embark on, unless they are sexual.
This can get tricky, in that many will suggest you avoid the sleepover altogether by going home to your own bed. I’m all for being able to sprawl out in the comfort of clean sheets, fluffy pillows, and a mattress supported by an actual bed frame, but if executed correctly, spending the night will give you more bang for your buck. I’m talking about morning sex, people. Critically acclaimed as the best way to start your day and get a round 2 (or 3, or 4) out of a single “u up?” text.
The key is not to fuck around after you’re done literally fucking around. Get your nice ass out of his bed, and don’t (I repeat, DO NOT) put back on his t-shirt, no matter how comfortable and perfectly oversized it is on you. Boys do not like when girls steal their clothes, and I’m sure you already have plenty in your shack shirt collection. Putting your own clothes back on will show how *cool* and *carefree* you are. Next: leave. Do not linger around and try to hang out. You guys are fucking, not dating. If he offers you a ride, take it. Save yourself the money. If he’s an asshole and doesn’t offer, do not ask for one. Order yourself an uber and peace. As he stares at (or grabs) your prefect ass on your way out, he is thinking to himself “wow she is totally not crazy or clingy. What a cool chick. 10/10 would bang again.”
Be The Booty Caller
There are certain pros to being booty-called. 1. He’s thinking about you naked, while you are having too much fun for him to even cross your mind (even if you were going to text him 10 minutes later). 2. If there’s a new flavor of the day you want to give a taste come bar close, or just want to get drunk food and pass out, you can simply ignore his text. However, only banging one out on his watch puts him in control. Reverse the roles every once in a while, and be the sender of the 2 a.m. text. Take back that control, both leading up to and in the bedroom.
The Sex MUST Be Mind-Blowing
If it’s not, what the fuck are you doing?! Why would you keep hooking up with someone who isn’t satisfying your sexual needs? Hm, maybe because you actually like the dude. And that sounds like you’re looking for an actual relationship not a casual one. The basis of a casual relationship is s-e-x.
Everyone deserves great sex. So go out there and find someone that makes you feel things, but only *down there.* Just don’t catch that STD “feelings.” I’ve heard it’s harder to get rid of than gonorrhea..