Meeting a guy with a dog is like hitting the jackpot. You already know he’s somewhat responsible because having a dog is basically like having a kid, except without all the emotional baggage and baby mama drama. Guys with dogs also don’t have issues with commitment because if he can commit to owning and taking care of a dog for the duration of its life (10-15 years), committing to love (and have sex with) one person for the rest of his life isn’t that far off.
Once you set your sights on a guy with a dog, the next step is getting him to stop playing fetch with Fido and pay attention to what’s really important: you. If you want to attract a guy with a dog, you have to think like a bitch.
Step 1: Also Have A Dog
Dogs love other dogs. They can’t walk within fifty feet of another dog without yanking at its collar trying to sniff the dog’s butt. Your dog will inevitably pull you in the direction of other dogs and hopefully one of those dogs will have a hot and available owner. Not to mention, dogs are the best icebreakers. They’re a built-in conversation starter. First, you’ll ask for his dog’s name, then you’ll move on to what breed it is, if he sees himself getting married in the next five years, etc.
Step 2: Play With Him
Guys with dogs are used to being active. They’re used to being dragged out of bed at early hours of the morning and forced to participate in stupid activities like fetch or tug-of-war. That also makes them very susceptible to doing whatever it is you want to do: brunch, parties, date nights, etc. Your high energy personality will make you seem lovable and lively, like his pup, instead of high maintenance and annoying, like his ex-girlfriend.
Step 3: Be Well-Trained
Nothing is more annoying than a poorly trained dog. Much like his little sidekick, he wants to be able leave you unleashed and not come home to toilet paper bits all over his bathroom floor and chewed up baseboards. Play nicely with others, don’t shit in the house, and don’t bark — I mean, yell. People love bragging about how good their dogs are, so if you want him to brag about you, you have to be on your best behavior. Basically, don’t be a crazy bitch.
Step 4: Greet Him With Excitement
The best thing about coming home when you have a dog is how excited they are to see you. Guys with dogs are used to that kind of reaction so when you see him for the first time in a while, try humping his leg or even mounting him right there on the spot. Show him how much you missed him by smothering him with love and affection, not unlike a dog. Slobber all over his face and make him pet you(r kitty) and you’ll have him giving you a name and a necklace in no time.
Step 5: Cry When He Doesn’t Give You Attention
If he isn’t paying you enough attention, tell him by whimpering and/or pawing at his limbs. Guys with dogs sometimes need to be reminded that you need constant love and care like his dog. Cry and complain about whatever you want him to do. Paw at the door if you want him to take you shopping or to lunch. If that won’t work, go tinkle on his floor. He might be mad at first, but really it’s his own fault for not taking you out sooner.
Step 6: Lick His Balls
Kidding. Kind of. .