Cuffing season is upon us. It is mid-October and unless you see your consistent hookup as “more than a friend” and plan to admit it a la cheesy rom-com style declaration of love, nothing is happening for you. That’s okay! Hey, it’s wonderful! But sadly, the time has come for cuffing season, when everyone else gets to lose their summer bikini bods for their boyfriend who “loves” them and you become the “fun single friend.” Here’s how to cope — nay — here’s how to mother fucking thrive.
Have An Excuse Prepared
Cuffing season is synonymous with the holiday season… duh? And we all know a ton of those boyfriends and girlfriends are just for the sole purpose of avoiding the question “So are you seeing anyone special?” Unfortunately, the appropriate answer to this is not “Yeah, the handle of mango pineapple Svedka in my apartment”, but we all wish it were.
Find A Dependable Hookup In Advance
It’s the next best thing! Sure, you guys only see each other from the hours of 11-3 A.M., but it should suffice your need once every other guy gets taken. If you find your dependable hookup early on, guaranteed he’ll be in it for the long haul of cuffing season because you both know that it only gets harder from here on out. Come Christmas, nobody will be left. Cuffing season or dry season? The choice is yours.
Find Other Single Girls
This may be tricky, as many could be caught up in the holiday “allure” of having a boyfriend to give you shit for Christmas. I mean, I’d like a nice pair of earrings too, but if you find yourself a squad who just wants to go out, get drunk, be hit on, dance around, and do you. Find a squad of a bunch of other girls who also don’t give a damn about cuffing season and take over the sorority house living room watching “A Charlie Brown Christmas” while stuffing your face with peppermint ice cream before girls start coming back from their dates to use the couch. Eat ice cream and snuggle with my sisters or give head? It’s clear who’s doing cuffing season right here.
Take Advantage of Date Events
With cuffing season also comes semi-formal season. Date events are your prime. You are on an equal playing field here with everyone and their boyfriends. Sure, you can’t take the cute pictures and caption them with horribly dumb things, but you can wear a dress where your ass looks great so you get some that night. Yeah, you’re basically equal here. Nobody will know if you brought a boyfriend or some fraternity guy who’s in a Groupme with your old roommate. Completely the same thing. Get drunk together, dance together, do whatever you want. Now that is a relationship.
Focus On The Important Things
Important things, aka you. Now that everyone is coupled up, you can focus on important things like school. Or finally losing the Freshman 15. Or do whatever it is your single heart desires because you’re not tied down. I once had a boyfriend who didn’t let me smoke weed. He was weird af. So can you guess what I’m doing this cuffing season? Yep, and a lot of it. You could even make a list of things you might not be able to do if you had a boyfriend and do it all. Think of it as a bucket list. Also TREAT YO SELF. You have around $50 extra to spend since you don’t have to spend it on a buy. Get yourself something nice..