Relationships suck. You have to stop kissing other people, you have to share the covers, and you have to go to family functions that make you want to pull your hair out. But a relationship ending? That’s even worse. It’s going from having a social media prop and getting to say, “Hey look that’s my person isn’t he cute” to going home for the holidays and having to say, “Nope Grandma, I’m a human trashcan. Single forever.”
And it’s hard getting over the loss of “your person.” Even if you guys are doing that kinda uncomfortable “let’s still be friends” thing. There really needs to a guide on how to transition back into the single world. And not one of those “focus on finding yourself” or “fall back in love with yourself” bullshit guides that makes everything look so easy. Because this is gonna be a hard, sloppy journey with a lot tears and lot of alcohol. But it has to be done. Here’s how to finally get over your ex person.
Step 1: Be as dramatic and ridiculous as possible.
There is absolutely no shame in having a mourning period after a breakup. In a way you just lost someone, so it’s only right to mourn them. If you’re the kind of girl that likes to sit on the couch, binge eat, and cry about a Hugh Grant movie then you go for it. If you’re more of a drown in whiskey and tequila and cry on your bathroom floor for inappropriate amounts of time person then go crack open those bottles. Do whatever outlandish mourning technique suites you and do it hard. It’s important to get that all out so you can move on to the next step.
How long this step should take: 1-2 weeks depending on how serious the relationship was.
Step 2: Find your friends.
Your friends are going to be a key component of this process. You can choose to have them there during the first step as well or you can wait until you’ve got that out of your system to reach out. But it’s important to have them as a support system as soon as possible. It’s natural to feel lonely after a breakup, seeing as you have just parted ways with your number one. Remember that just because you’ve lost your person it doesn’t mean all of your people are gone. Your friends are gonna be there waiting to help you through this journey into singleness.
How long this step should take: begin immediately after step one ends, and continue forever.
Step 3: Get rid of his stuff.
You’re never gonna move on if you’re living with a small shrine to your ex in your room. As soon as you can bare to look at it, you need to gather all of those t-shirts, sweatshirts, the necklace he gave you, the stuffed bear from last Valentine’s Day, framed pictures of you two, and any other random objects that are connected to him and get rid of them. Don’t listen to the sentimental voice in your head saying “well maybe I should keep them, they’re good memories.” Sure they are, but they need to become just memories and that can’t happen with them all up in your space like that. If the relationship ended roughly, feel free to burn them, break them, or just throw them dramatically in the trash. If you parted ways civilly, you might need to consider the sane way of giving them to a mutual friend to pass on to him. But then again what is “sane” when it comes to these things? So do what you will.
How long this step should take: give yourself one week.
Step 4: Repeat Step 1.
This is a very important step that you can not skip. You are almost guaranteed to have a relapse along the way. Embrace it. There are a lot of emotions flying at this time and you can’t just bury them all inside. So take some time. Aggressively stalk his social media, scream, cry, think of every single little thing he ever did to annoy you and blow it out of proportion. Then get back up again and brush yourself off.
How long this step should take: 1-2 days at most.
Step 5: Start to go out again.
This one always ends up harder than you imagined. Your friends most likely have been pestering you about going out for awhile. Eventually you need to let it happen. It probably doesn’t sound like much fun and it might end up being even worse than you imagine, but it needs to happen. Get ready with your friends, pregame, and do your best to push away the thoughts of what it used to be like to go out with him. Getting back to your social life is very important. You’re no longer one of the couples of your friend group and you need to reestablish yourself as “just you” to everyone. And guess what? “Just you” is pretty damn awesome. Going out single is very different than when you’re in a relationship and you need to get used to it again. All of the free drinks and attention from hot guys will make you feel better soon enough.
How long this step should take: give it about a handful of ladies nights before it starts to feel normal again.
Step 6: Move on
“The best way to get over someone is to get under someone else.” This phrase is about 75 percent bullshit. Because TBH sleeping with a random person isn’t gong to fix anything. But unfortunately, the saying does have something to it. Sex and the physical aspect of a relationship are very important. Women especially tend to see sex as an emotional component when they’re in a committed relationship. So for awhile sleeping with someone else is going to sound and feel disgusting. Along the journey back to singlehood, you might find yourself drunkly trying to make out with a random person because you think it will help you get over your get back at him him. There’s nothing wrong with this but it won’t actually help you move on. Once you can comfortably, causally hook up with a different person because you want to for you, then you can finally say you have moved on.
How long this step should take: whatever you do, don’t rush this one.
At the end of the day, the first step to anything is getting out of bed. If you can do that you’re strong enough to do the rest..