How To Get Over Someone Who Was Never Actually Your Boyfriend


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How To Get Over Someone Who Was Never Actually Your Boyfriend

Relationships can be tricky in college. Literally everyone is telling you not to settle down because you need to live up these four years. But with all the date parties, mixers, themed gatherings, random events and nights out, there are so many chances to meet people. So what happens when you do meet someone that you kind of like. You start to text all day long, meet up with him before and after nights out, and sometimes you might even reach the point of sober hangouts and sleepovers. But it’s college so neither one of you necessarily want to put a title on it. You’ve found yourself in a fling. College flings can be so fun. It’s like dating someone but without all the pressure and expectations of being someone’s girlfriend.

But, all good things must come to an end and sometimes there isn’t a solid reason why you and your fling drift apart. This puts you in a weird spot. It’s not necessarily a breakup, but it definitely feels you leaving a little empty. Breakups absolutely suck. One bad breakup is usually the source of this relationship-phobia in twenty-somethings in the first place. It is definitely the main reason why I have steered clear of serious shit in college. Because ain’t nobody got time for that. Usually getting closure can help fill the empty void you feel upon breaking up, but this isn’t a real breakup, so there’s no “Let’s talk. It’s not you, it’s me. Blah, blah blah.” Both of you were looking for a no strings attached kind of thing and it ended how it started — casually. It might be a little awkward and unnecessary for you to seek out this kind of information since it’s no one’s fault, which low key kind of sucks because you can’t do the normal “fuck him, he’s a dick head, that mother fucker doesn’t deserve to be with a catch like me, !@#$&^%…” pep talk when you start to get that feeling in your stomach. So why does that leave us heavy hearted in what was supposed to be an extremely amicable and casual situation? Because it’s not the norm and there is no playbook on how to get over it.

So, I am here to help.

First off, don’t feel embarrassed or stupid that you’re upset your fling has ended. It is completely natural. It’s going to feel weird when you go from talking to someone every day to not at all. Plus, it’s nice to feel wanted and have someone to lay with from time to time. Losing that sucks. No matter how tough you act on the outside, everyone has a vulnerable spot and you need to allow yourself to be sad. Seriously, this is crucial to moving on. If you act like you don’t care, when you clearly do, there is a high possibility that next time you see him (or the next time you see a bottle of wine), you will end up in a downward spiral of emotion.

You have girlfriends for a reason and they want to be there for you as much as you want to be there for them. They will completely understand how you are feeling, because I promise that they have been in the same situation before and may have some sound advice. Even if they are clueless, it is always nice to talk to someone, even if they are just there to listen.

It is extra important to cease and desist all social media stalking. Who cares who tweeted at him, tagged him in a photo or what stupid shit is on his Snapchat story. That doesn’t mean you have to unfollow him on every social platform but don’t seek out information on his whereabouts. Out of sight, out of mind. It works. Trust me.

There will always be that friend who says the only way you will ever get over someone is to sleep around. In most cases, that is pretty crappy advice and will leave you questioning everything. If that is not your normal MO then you need to stay true to who you are. Focus on having fun with your friends, getting to know different people and remembering that everything happens for a reason, because it is highly unlikely that you will find a prince in a pig pen.

College is honestly a weird time for everyone. It can be equally difficult and wonderful all at once. Just remember that you WILL find someone and what’s in front of you is just not meant to be.

This column was originally published on April 22, 2014.


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