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How To Give The Perfect Blow Job: A Comprehensive Guide

sex

Giving a blow job should not be looked upon as a chore, but as a pleasurable thing for both involved. I know, I know. Fuck me, right? But think of it this way — you literally have your man’s most prized possession in your mouth. You could either please him or bite it off because you saw him liking some other girl’s IG pictures from the day before (not advised). You are controlling his every thought, move, feeling, and bodily fluid while you’re down there and if you’re planning on dating a guy, odds are you’re going to have to give one eventually. You might as well do it right.

The first and most crucial tip is to be fucking confident with yourself. Yes I said yourself. This is the time to be selfish and show off how awesome you are. This is the only time you’ll have full control over your man and you want to show him that you do well being in charge. And before you freak out, just know: there is no possible way of being bad at giving head. It’s a myth. Unless you’re biting his dick or you have no saliva in your mouth, you’ll be fine. Ask any guy, a “mediocre” blow job is better than no blow job.

But just in case you want to be better than mediocre, here’s a play by play on how to give 10/10 BJ. (I’m going to assume his pants are already off because like, really ladies? Do you need a step for that? I also advise having him take his shirt off *before* his pants. Trust me on this one).

  1. Grab it. Take it in your hand and let it just exist there for a second.
  2. Don’t be afraid to look at it before you start. Literally examine it and understand that you’re gonna make that dick fall in love with you.
  3. Lick it. Lightly at first. Get all over it, but don’t put in in your mouth. Yet.
  4. Now, bare with me, you’re going to spit on it. If you can’t manage this, fine. Just make sure you lick it enough. Live your own life.
  5. After it’s totally wet, you’ll finally put it in your mouth on it. Just the tip and ease down reallyyyyy slowllyyyy.
  6. Get a little faster now.
  7. Throw a hand in there. It’ll make things easier for you, and better for him.
  8. You’ll want to throw some eye contact in there and maybe a moan or two. Or don’t. But if you’re trying to speed things up, trust me on this one.
  9. Now swirl your hand in “twisty” motion. Do this lightly so you don’t give him a burn and end up dying alone.
  10. If your man is packing downstairs you’re more than welcome to throw two hands on it.
  11. This is about the time where you’re head/neck gets kind of tired — not an issue. Take his penis and smack it on your tongue and moan. I swear I’m not kidding. Do it.
  12. Then stop, look at him in the eyes, and give it one long, slow lick.
  13. Now it’s time to get back to the sucking. You knew it was only a matter of time.
  14. Twirl your tongue around the tip while continuing to twist/pump/suck/daydream about what you’re going to watch on TV after this.
  15. Now the fun part! His ball sack! Yay. While you’re still showing him some love with your hands, you’re going to tilt your head down and being to suck on his ball sack. I’m sorry. I wish this wasn’t a thing, but it is. It’s kind of gross but it’s modern day love and 15 seconds will do.
  16. Now get back to sucking for your last minute. You’re almost there. This is your time to shine and throw away those gag reflexes.
  17. Your eyes are going to tear (pro tip: wear waterproof mascara), you’re going to make weird gagging noises (they find that to be so hot, weirdos…) and possibly feel like you’re going to puke (please don’t).
  18. If he’s any sort of a gentleman, he’ll give you a warning before the finale. Decide what you want to do and where, and then reap the benefits of rocking his fucking world.

Tips

  1. Hydrate at least 6-8 hours before. The more water the better.
  2. Actually, just chug water the whole time.
  3. Don’t be afraid.
  4. Go into it with a positive attitude.
  5. Make sure you’re in a comfortable position during this.
  6. Don’t freak out if you’re sloppy or loud — it’s hot!
  7. Ask your partner what he likes.
  8. Take it inch by inch. Taking a full on 7 inches at once without warming up is going to ruin the mood.
  9. Use your lips.
  10. Use your tongue.
  11. Don’t you dare use your teeth.
  12. There’s more than just the typical “sucking” involved in a blowjob.
  13. Commit to it and have fun. Lol Jk. Do this and at least it’ll be fast.

The things we do for a boyfriend.

Image via Shutterstock

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