How To Handle A Backstabbing Bitch

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Nice Move

How To Deal With A Back-Stabbing Bitch

Maybe you dislike this biddie because she’s always been evil, which more than likely means you were mortified that she slipped through the cracks as a quota addition and marred your otherwise flawless house. She may have stolen your dream date during formal, DFMO-ing for all to see. Perhaps she’s the sole reason you didn’t get the position you were destined for. Sometimes it doesn’t matter what she did, it just sucks that someone burst the bubble of your perfect sorority. You always thought it was full of girls who had your back, and it’s unfortunate that one girl only had your back because she was getting ready to stab it.

Whatever it is, she did it, it can’t be undone, and you’re stressing about sharing a sisterhood with someone who has no understanding of the concept. You know you’ll have to see her all the time, whether she’s in another pledge class or your group text. You don’t want to come off as less than sisterly if her name’s brought up and you respond, “Oh, that slut? She hooked up with my gentleman caller right in front of me, ruining an otherwise fabulous night out. Also, she has a wonk eye and a terrible drinking problem,” because while she may have no sense of the word “sisterhood,” you do, and there’s no reason to let one bad sister ruin one second you spend in your sorority. So, if the day comes and a girl gets particularly vicious with you, here’s how to get even and get over it.

1. Do You

The first step is to do whatever you need to get her, and the situation, out of your system. Whether it’s cursing her out politely chatting with her or just letting everyone know about her behavior, do what needs to be done. I know I’m supposed to tell you to be the bigger person (figuratively, of course), but that’s next. Do you first. I don’t care if that means hooking up with her boy of the moment (hopefully he’s cute, he’s usually not), posting every subtly bitchy Pinterest quote you can find, or spreading a particularly malicious, but true, rumor about her. She’s probably already spreading rumors of her own, but everyone knows this girl’s deal, and the girls who are oblivious to her agenda don’t matter. Actually, she doesn’t matter either, but she needs to know better than to mess with you.

2. Turn Your Enemy Into Your Frenemy

Based on the seriousness of her offense, give her the benefit of the doubt. She may not be the horrible person you think she is. I mean, she might have a little bit of a drinking problem, but she’s got reasons behind it. Sometimes you build someone up to be a monster, when in reality they were just wasted. The truth is, most people are so self-absorbed they don’t realize they’re hurting you until it’s too late. See if you can like her a little, because it will make life easier. If you attempt this and are still convinced girlfriend is evil personified, move on to the next step.

3. Be Zen

I’m a firm believer that revenge is the best revenge, but moving on and being amazing will actually make you feel better. When you encounter this girl, whether it’s at chapter or a pregame, be zen. Never avoid her, because that makes it worse. She’s like a cockroach. Roaches are the grossest things in the world and they are terrifying and ugly, but in the end you can smoosh one easily to protect yourself (or more realistically, you can get a guy to do it for you, but that ruins the metaphor).

If you’re eventually forced to spend time with this backstabbing bitch, keep your cool, and have an awesome time anyway. You value your sorority and realize its importance more than she ever will. You’re going to graduate with friendships that last forever, while her faux friendships will be over the second she throws her cap in the air. There’s no reason to let one girl in your otherwise awesome house bring you down. If that doesn’t help, know that karma will get her. Keep your cool, and if you’re not really over it, fake it ‘til you make it, because eventually you just won’t care. You’ll be having too much fun with your own fabulous life, because the incredible girls in your house more than make up for one backstabbing sister.

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