Since the day I turned the ripe age of fourteen, I’ve had the same goal every single summer. Reared on television movies and romantic novels, I knew my life would incomplete until I went through a special rite of adulthood. I dreamt of the day I, a gangly looking, woodchuck of a girl with bottle-cap glasses and poorly concealed acne, would experience the low rumble of first love. And I knew what kind of first love I wanted. I wanted to have a summer romance.
Every single book I read from ages ten until around seventeen assured me that I would gracefully trip out of my awkward phase and into the arms of a high schooler who looked twenty-five and was the star of some kind of sports team. I wasn’t super pretty, but I was funny and ~such a klutz~ that love had to be just around the corner. It probably had something to do with the aforementioned acne and glasses, but for some reason, it never seemed to happen that way. I wasn’t going to be the star of teen novel anytime soon. But, all those books and movies did provide me a fuck ton of knowledge, which I can now impart on you.
Find The Perfect Guy
The first step to having a whirlwind summer romance is to find a guy. In all the books I read, usually the heroine would trip out of a classroom or he’d move in next door. That’s never going to happen, so figure out what kind of hot dude you want: sporty, fratty, artsy, outdoorsy, etc. Once you’ve
picked a mark fallen in lust, dedicate yourself to becoming a hot version of that kind of girl. If he’s artsy, perfect a cat eye, start wearing Birkenstocks and read up on the bourgeois. If he’s outdoorsy, use your Lululemon for more than loungewear and start going for hikes. If he’s fratty, do absolutely nothing because you’re already perfect.
Balance Life And Relationship
Since you want him to fall in love with you in three months or less, a summer romance is going to take up a lot of your time. Systemically plant yourself in his life. If he’s taking a summer class, you should be taking it too. Apply for all the same jobs and make sure your schedules always align. Infiltrate his friend group so that you always happen to be at the same parties. In the real world, absence makes the heart grow fonder. In summer romance land, absence is when another girl swoops in and snags your man.
Utilize Your Friends
If you want a perfect summer romance, use your friends to their fullest potential. Set them up with his friends, borrow their clothes, write lines for them so they always lead you into the perfect joke or story. If your friends don’t want to spend their whole summer making sure you get some, then find some new friends, because your current ones clearly do not care about your sexual health. How can you really consider yourselves the women from SATC if they don’t care about making sure you get it?
Be Prepared For It To End
Summer romances have a time-limit and once the alarm goes off, you need to let them go. If you’re living and romanticizing in your college town, don’t burn the bridge just yet because you may want to hold a late-fall reunion. If your summer lover is from your hometown, or better yet, a town where you are staying for the summer but neither live or attend school? That’s when the best course of action is mutually assured destruction. Let all of your crazy show. Accuse him of cheating, not knowing you at all, prioritizing his friends and life over you, the whole shebang. Make him hate you as much as you hate him for making you love him and leaving you behind. If you’ve ever felt like dramatically burning photos or storming away from a romantic date, this is the perfect opportunity.
Go forth and summer love!.
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