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How to Lose a Guy in 10 Ways

Most of us know that there are certain things you shouldn’t do around boys if you’re serious about getting serious with them. Personally, I consider myself an expert at not being able to maintain relationships so I’m just going to cut to the chase and present you with all the things that will tell a guy you are not girlfriend material (as if they need a reason to say no to commitment). Figured I’d let you in on the truth because Kate Hudson didn’t actually lose her guy in the end.

Pointing Out Your Flaws

Never in my entire life has a boy, or anyone else for that matter (besides maybe my mom), pointed out my boney wrists, the birth mark on my thigh, or the irritating fact that I laugh in Minnie Mouse-ish “hehes.” Yet these and any other insecurities are at the forefront of my brain when I’m trying to impress a guy. I’m not sure whether I do it because I want him to know that I know about my flaws “Omg, I laugh so weird, isn’t that so annoying?” Translation: please still like me even though I sound like the fucking most annoying cartoon character EVER any time something is remotely funny. Or maybe I’m looking for him to tell me it’s not true, but these things are SO much on my mind when I’m around him that I have to say it. If you have this problem, I’m here to tell you, STOP. FUCKING. DOING THAT. It definitely comes across as fishing for compliments, and that’s just annoying. Guys are nervous too and when you’re being a social retard it doesn’t give them much to work with. Plus, they would have NEVER noticed the scar on your jawline if you didn’t point it out to them. Why would you lead with “hey, these are all the things that are wrong with me. Take it or leave it Bucko.” My guess is they are going to leave it. No one is interested in signing up for a life where they need to convince you your flaws don’t exist (because they do) and, now that he knows your second toe is longer than your first, how do you ever expect him to recover?

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Veronica Ruckh

Veronica (@VeronicaRuckh) is the Director of Total Sorority Move for Grandex, Inc. After having spent her undergraduate years drinking $4 double LITs on a patio and drunk texting away potential suitors, she managed to graduate with an impressive GPA and an unimpressive engagement ring -- so unimpressive, in fact, some might say it's not there at all. Veronica has since been fulfilling her duties as "America's big," a title she gave to herself with the help of her giant ego. She has recently switched from vodka to wine on weekdays. Email her at veronica@grandex.co

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